Lost Episode: Small War
by Rasputin Zero
Summary: My personal rendition of the infamous lost Battle of Meekrob season 2 finale, given a surprisingly emotional twist
1. Part One A

INVADER ZIM "SMALL WAR" - PART ONE EPISODE #219 (IZFAS)  
WRITTEN BY RASPUTIN BASED ON ORIGINAL CONCEPT BY JHONEN VASQUEZ

EXT: SPACE

We open up in space, leisurely pacing from a state of utter starlight to a distant orbit around Planet Meekrob. We get closer, letting the the spinning globe become larger in our vision till eventually we're entering the atmosphere.

EXT: MEEKROB, PLANET SURFACE

We close into the planet's surface, right up until we plunge straight through a crater on the surface.

INT: MEEKROB TUNNELS

An underground network of baffling complexity compels us to navigate through an ungodly amount of maze-like turnings and dead-ends until eventually we come up behind Invader Tenn, along with her SIR unit, hiding behind a rock while spying on the floating inhabitants of the Planet.

TENN  
(whispering) Note this down, Jin-Jin. (her SIR unit, Jin-Jin supposedly, flashes her eyes in agreement) "Have discovered concealed underground network commonly traversed by the Planet's inhabitants. Could constitute some kind of ancient defence network maintained by the Meekrob in case of extra-planetary invasion, namely us. Will continue upon further investigation."

Tenn then proceeds to cautiously traverse the claustrophobic tunnels, momentarily ducking behind a rock when a couple of Meekrob float past. One of the Meekrob looks momentarily in her direction before continuing. Tenn peeks from behind the rock as the two of them transform into energy balls that shoot down a small orifice in the ground.

TENN  
(whispering) Jin-Jin, another memo. "Have discovered some kind of conduit to some kind of meeting place below. The purpose of this place is unclear."

During this time, a pair of purple, Irken eyes has appeared behind Tenn, and Jin-Jin seems to have been silently snatched into the darkness. We then see things from behind Tenn.

TENN  
(whispering) "Will investigate when the opportunity arises. In the meantime I plan to..." (hears a sound, then turns around cautiously) Jin-Jin? (as she turns around, she starts to panic) Oh no! Get away! GET AWAAAIII!

As we zoom into her horror-stricken face, the entire scene flckers then turns to static.

INT: THE MASSIVE

The Tallest were apparently seeing the whole thing. A technician is operating the controls.

TECHNICIAN  
And that's all there is, sir.

RED  
Well this is a worrying development.

PURPLE  
I'd say! I hate it when they leave shows on cliffhangers then don't bother to finish the thing.

RED  
Yeah. When is the next episode anyway?

TECHNICIAN  
Sirs...that was an ACTUAL TRANSMISSION from an Invader in the field.

The Tallest look very briefly embarrassed.

PURPLE  
We knew that!

RED  
This will interfere with our schedule, we know that much.

PURPLE  
I'm sure she'd know the risks, besides, Zim's already done as much damage to the schedule as anything else is going to do.

RED  
Maybe so, but Zim isn't involved this time. An Irken Invader's been captured by a group of insubstantial peaceniks! That's not right!

PURPLE  
Hey, yeah! Should we blow 'em up?

RED  
We'll have to consult the Control Brains. But I'm hoping...yes.

PURPLE  
Yay!

INT: MASSIVE CONTROL BRAINS

There are three Control Brains surrounding the Tallest. Battle statistics and reports flood the displays. It's really quite formidable.

CONTROL BRAIN 1  
There is concurrence.

CONTROL BRAIN 2  
A direct assault should be avoided.

CONTROL BRAIN 3  
A team should investigate.

CONTROL BRAIN 1  
A direct confrontation could prove dangerous.

CONTROL BRAIN 2  
The plan shall be disrupted.

CONTROL BRAIN 3  
That can never be allowed.

The Tallest look dumb for a few moments.

RED  
So no blowing things up?

CONTROL BRAINS  
NO!

PURPLE  
But why? We could wipe the floor with them!

CONTROL BRAIN 1  
Analysis suggests outside forces at work.

CONTROL BRAIN 2  
Trying to provoke the Meekrob into awakening.

CONTROL BRAIN 3  
We must tread carefully.

RED  
I still wanna blow things up...

CONTROL BRAINS  
OUR ANALYSIS IS IMPECCABLE!

RED  
Allright! Allright! Sheesh...

Red calls up a communicator.

RED  
Control! Prepare a priority one message to all active Invaders in the field! (chatter is heard) No...I don't CARE if it's your lunch break! THIS IS TOP PRIORITY!

INT: ZIM'S BASE

GIR is sitting on the couch, while Minimoose floats nearby. GIR seems to be showing him the ropes of "information retrieval".

GIR  
'kay? Here's the film channel. This has lots of stuff blowing up. I like things blowing up, with the bang and the flash and alllll the pretty colours. And here's the kid's channel. I like this one lots. It's so full of twee and cute and authoritarian subliminal messaging that just makes you wanna go "aaah". 'kay? Here, oh now HERE'S the shopping channel. I like this channel more than anything in the whole wide universe, ever, except strawberries, and the green stuff that sticks to rocks. Those are numby. And here's the sports channel. I REALLY like this one...

During this time, GIR has been clicking the remote control repeatedly, while Minimoose just stares dumbfoundedly. Just then, the TV changes to indicate an incoming transmission, an Irken Invader logo (SPECIFICALLY an Irken Invader logo) with text above and underneath.

COMPUTER  
Incoming transmission from the Tallest to all Invaders in the field. Priority: urgent.

GIR  
Eh, this show ain't so good.

GIR changes the channel to a typically low-budget furniture commercial.

FURNITURE SPOKESMAN  
And you just can't BELIEVE how low our prices can go!

GIR  
I believe you! I BELIEVE YOUUUU!

MINIMOOSE  
SQUEAK!

EXT: THE STREET

Meanwhile, not far away, Dib is spying at ZiM's house through a pair of binoculars.

DIB  
Oh, you'll meet your match soon enough, just you wait, soon I'll prove your existence, and then hordes of people with flames and pitchforks will do all kinds of horrible things to your intestines. Just you wait! JUST YOU WAIT! (pauses to think) I'm not too sure what FOR, but...(gets hit by a ball) OW! Hey!

Not far off, ZiM is leering triumphantly with a stack of rubber balls by his side.

ZIM  
HA! I beat you Dib! Soon your resistance will crumble under the incredible storm I am unleashing! (throws another ball)

DIB  
OW! Will you quit that? It's irritating.

ZIM  
Oh, it will be irritation now, but soon! SOON! Your head will start itching as a result of the INCREDIBLE friction caused by the unyielding impact of SHEER RUBBER! (throws another ball) And then! THEN! You will yield to me as the pressure becomes too great. Yes! Your resistance will crumble and on to victory! ZIM SHALL TRIUMPH! (starts throwing something approximating a barrage)

DIB  
Never! I shall not yield! I shall resist...forever more and...keep on...defending...stuff and...look will you cut that out? It's getting distracting. I NEED CONCENTRATION WHEN I'M RANTING!

ZIM  
YES! THE YIELDING BEGINS!

Dib just keeps staring and barely flinches as balls keep getting thrown at him. He then starts wandering off while Zim keeps throwing balls in the same direction, eyes screwed shut. Eventually, he slows down and opens his eyes.

ZIM  
Wait! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

DIB  
I'M GETTING A CHINESE!

ZIM  
Oh, could you get some sweet 'n sour for GIR? He's getting...HEY! WAIT! I'M NOT DONE YET! (Dib just continues walking) YES! VICTORY FOR ZIM! SEE HOW SUPERIOR I AM!

Just then, a tree falls on Dib. Skoodge appears nearby, waving in an almost "hi neighbour" fashion. Zim is not pleased.

SKOODGE  
Oh! Hi Zim! You don't mind if I help out a little do ya?

ZIM  
(seething) Mind? MIND? I had Dib in the palm of my hand until you came along!

SKOODGE  
But...he's trapped and at our mercy now.

ZIM  
(condescending) Skoodge, Skoodge. I've been on this planet far longer than you. I think I'd KNOW if my enemy was defeated or not.

SKOODGE  
And...he's not now?

ZIM  
(boiling over) DON'T YOU QUESTION ME!

SKOODGE  
(perkier) Okay! It's just that I've been locked up in your closet for the past few weeks and I wanted to stretch my legs a 'lil.

ZIM  
What did I tell you about leaving the closet?

SKOODGE  
(guiltily) I know. I sowwwyyy...

ZIM  
That's good. (glares) Now get out of my sight.

SKOODGE  
(cheerily) Okeedokee!

Skoodge skips off. Zim briefly contemplates returning to Dib but decides against it.

ZIM  
Ah, to heck with it. VICTORY!

The euphoria of triumph lasts about three milliseconds before Zim starts wandering off, thoroughly bored. Dib, stuck underneath the tree, seems in a similar mindset.

DIB  
Why do I even bother?

INT: ZIM'S HOUSE

Zim wanders in, thoroughly depressed, and irritated at the scene unfolding in front of him. Skoodge is trying to wrest the remote control off of GIR, but his heart doesn't seem in it, and he's overpowered easily. The TV flickers between many myriad channels while this goes on.

SKOODGE  
C'mon GIR! Gimme! Give it back! Aw, that's not fair! I need it! C'mon! Leggo! C'mo...awwww!

Skoodge treads backwards, like a first-year skool-kid who's ice cream has been stolen. He appeals to Zim.

SKOODGE  
Awww! Zim! GIR's being all mean to me! He won't give me a turn on the remote!

ZIM  
What do you want to watch inferior human television for?

SKOODGE  
I need to read my messages!

ZIM  
You patch your messages through to the TV?

SKOODGE  
It's got stereo!

ZIM  
GIR! I ORDER YOU TO GIVE SKOODGE THE REMOTE CONTROL!

GIR turns red, leaps off the sofa, and salutes.

GIR  
YES, MY LORD!

GIR throws the remote at Skoodge, and sends him reeling from the impact. Zim looks down un-caringly.

SKOODGE  
(in pain) 'nk you...

Skoodge stands up, rubs the bruise on his forehead and staggers over to the TV. He clicks a button and a list of messages appear.

SKOODGE  
Wow! 253 messages! And they're all advertising spam! Oh, wait, here's one from the Tallest.

ZIM  
(excited) What?

The TV screen flickers and the message that began playing before does so again. The Invader symbol appears just before the Tallest appear on camera.

PURPLE  
Hey, how do I look? Do I look okay? I don't want people to think I've been skipping my diet or anything...

TECHNICIAN  
Sirs, we're on.

PURPLE  
ARGH!

RED  
This is a priority message to all Invaders! One of your colleagues, Invader Tenn, has been captured by the wicked machinations of the sickeningly content Meekrob! We suspect foul play, so you are all ordered to leave for Meekrob immediately to ascertain her status and act accordingly.

PURPLE  
But it is important for you all to maintain secrecy at all times. DON'T BLOW ANYTHING UP! There is strong evidence of outside interference in Meekrob's affairs, and that's not right! Only we're allowed to do that!

RED  
Land under the cover of darkness and follow the orders of your Commander. Failure is...an option. But don't read into that too much.

The transmission ends. Zim suddenly seems much happier than he once was.

ZIM  
Oh my! The Tallest entrusting me to conquer Meekrob! I knew this day would come!

SKOODGE  
Uh...Zim? This message was for me. You never got one...

ZIM  
(angrily) DARE YOU QUESTION THE TALLEST?

SKOODGE  
NO! NO!

ZIM  
Good. Now let us board the Voot Cruiser! My destiny awaits!

Dramatic moment, but no one seems to budge. GIR keeps watching the TV, Minimoose spins around, and Skoodge just stands there.

SKOODGE  
But I don't wanna go. My feet get cramps from long space travel.

ZIM  
(seething) FINE! I'll just go conquer the universe without you, then...

Zim turns and crosses his arms.

SKOODGE  
Really? That's okay! I'll just go cook some chicken...

Zim's teeth grate and he snaps, dragging of all three of them in turn.

ZIM  
GRRRR! C'MON! C'MON! C'MON!

EXT: ZIM'S HOUSE

The Voot Cruiser practically punches it's way out of the roof as it opens and closes in quick succession. Panning down to Dib, who's barely noticed and is still stuck under the tree, leaning on his arms and generally contemplating throwing it all way and getting a job. At that moment, Gaz walks past, playing her Game Slave. Still utterly disheartened, Dib swipes the Game Slave from Gaz and proceeds to start playing. Gaz is not amused.

GAZ  
Dib, if you want to keep the use of both your eye sockets...

Dib looks up to Gaz and starts screeching.

DIB  
GAZ? IF YOU WANT TO REMAIN A LIVING, BREATHING COLLECTION OF CARBONS! FOR EVERY ONE OF YOUR BELONGINGS TO NOT BE CHARRED TO CINDERS! FOR EVERY MEMBER OF YOUR EXTENDED FAMILY TO NOT BE DE-POLARISED INTO THEIR CONSTITUENT PARTS! YOU...LEAVE...ME...ALONE!

Dib, rant over, returns to playing the Game Slave. Gaz seems as surprised as Gaz is capable of being surprised.

GAZ  
Wow, Dib. Get any more bitter and you might just turn into coffee.

Gaz swipes the Game Slave away and leans against the tree. Dib, irritated, prizes himself out of the tree.

DIB  
It just doesn't seem worth it! I'm not saving the planet! I'm just giving a stupid, dull-witted alien an excuse to inflate his ego! I'm probably doing more harm to Earth's chances than helping it!

GAZ  
Y'know, you're as annoying giving up as you are ranting about saving the world.

DIB  
It's not as if he's any good! An automated action figure could do more harm to him than I can! Just look!

Dib grabs Gaz as he moves off-screen.

GAZ  
Hey!

INT: ZIM'S HOUSE

Dib kicks down the door and drags Gaz in. While ranting he lets her go. She rubs her face and doesn't appreciate it.

DIB  
A security system with more holes than cheese! Statues and pictures of green monkeys! GREEN MONKEYS!

GAZ  
You shall suffer.

DIB  
A lab full of inane, pointless stuff!

GAZ  
Oh, you shall suffer.

DIB  
And every time! EVERY TIME! A robot dog...sits down on this sofa...and watches mind-rotting TV!

GAZ  
You know what? You're not even worth it.

Gaz walks off.

DIB  
WHY? WHAT'S ITS PURPOSE? WHAT'VE I BEEN DOING WITH MY LIFE?

Gaz growls irritably as she shuts the door. Dib sinks into depression and falls into the sofa, turning on the remote. The message lights up, and Dib's eyes widen as the message continues.

PURPLE (O.S  
Hey, how do I look? Do I look okay? I don't want people to think I've been skipping my diet or anything...

TECHNICIAN (O.S  
Sirs, we're on.

PURPLE (o.S  
ARGH!

EXT: MEEKROB FROM SPACE

Endless space, panning down towards Meekrob, partially in night. The Voot Cruiser speeds past and heads into the planet's twilight.

INT: VOOT CRUISER

Zim, GIR, Minimoose and Skoodge are squeezed into the small compartment. GIR is banging his head against the cockpit glass pleasingly, Skoodge is drooling while fast asleep, and Minimoose has taken to letting out a long, constant squeak, much to Zim's nerves.

ZIM  
How did I manage?

A beep from the comms wakes Skoodge up and gets Zim's interest. He's about to answer it until he reaches into the back and gets out a crowbar, which he then proceeds to thwack Minimoose with. Minimoose shuts up and Zim answers the hail. Commander Larb appears on the screen. He's about to say something until his eyes snap wide open and he starts gurgling in fear.

ZIM  
Ah, yes, I presume you were anticipating the much...anticipated arrival of ZIM!

Larb just continues to gurgle.

ZIM  
I knew you were pleased to see me. Now! Due to my all-encompassing importance, Zim shall not require your permission to land at your position.

Larb tries to gurgle in the negative but fails.

ZIM  
Uh-huh.

SKOODGE  
Hiya, Larb!

Larb comes out of his stupor and addresses Skoodge.

LARB  
Who are you again?

SKOODGE  
Skoodge! I conquered a planet, same as you!

Larb doesn't seem to recognize Skoodge.

LARB  
Really? Um...oh yeah! I remember you!...I think. But...what's HE doing here?

SKOODGE  
Can't he come along? Pwease?

LARB  
Ech...I'd rather not have you within several galaxies of this mission, but we need as much destructive power as we can. The Tallest have seen fit to just send the 31...32 of us for some reason.

ZIM  
YES! VICTORY FOR ZIM!

LARB  
WAIT! I haven't said any...!

The comms shut off.

ZIM  
GIR! Ready the landing sequence. We must be subtle!

EXT: IRKEN BASECAMP

The Invader's base has been expertly hidden in a rocky outcrop, barely visible to the naked eye. Invaders are milling about, collecting supplies, when they see something in the distance and run for their lives. Out of the blue, the Voot Cruiser descends smoking from the sky and impacts into the base. The smoke plume can be seen for miles around.

EXT: DIB'S HOUSE

Zooming into the garage, just to ascertain we're back on Earth.

INT: DIB'S GARAGE

Dib is providing final checks to Tak's Ship, while Gaz seems whimsically interested for some obscure reason. Dib jumps into the cockpit and gets the systems ready.

DIB  
Main thrusters!

TAK'S SHIP (with Tak's voice  
Operational!

DIB  
Guidance system!

TAK'S SHIP  
Confirmed!

DIB  
Lunch!

TAK'S SHIP  
Nicely prepared!

DIB  
Okay! PREPARE TO LAUNCH!

TAK'S SHIP  
No.

Dib looks at ship non-chalantly. He looks up to Gaz with interest.

DIB  
Gaz, I've always been meaning to ask...how DID you get this thing to work?

GAZ  
What's in it for me?

DIB  
Excitement, adventure, and killing lots of freaky-looking things?

Gaz shrugs and toddles over to the ship. Nudging Dib aside with a carefully-timed thwack, she pauses as she readies herself. Then she slams her fist against the controls.

GAZ  
WORK!

TAK'S SHIP  
EEK!

The cockpit closes and the ship lifts off the moorings.

GAZ  
This had better be worth it...

DIB  
You kidding? I'd sell my soul for a chance like this! FULL SPEED TO MEEKROB!

EXT: DIB'S GARAGE

The door's still closed.

GAZ (O.S  
Uh...Dib?

The ship rockets upwards out of the garage, sending debris everywhere and leaving us hearing Dib screaming. We witness the ship heading upwards into the sky and out of sight.

-BREAK- 


	2. Part One B

EXT: MEEKROB, NIGHT

We pan down an empty Meekrob landscape, very little to see on the whole. Then, out of the blue, five darkened figures appear clad in black, blurring into existence suspended in mid-air. They are Invaders El, Groot, Koot, Nen and Slant, kitted out in black-ops gear and they enter into a discussion.

NEN  
I got 'nuthin.

SLANT  
Me neither.

EL  
All this time, if there really was some military build-up we should have spotted something by now.

KOOT  
I don't mind the holiday downtime...

GROOT  
You're spending it in a Megadoomer.

KOOT  
You and I may disagree, but I call that a good time.

NEN  
You know, I've always looked forward to riding one of these things.

SLANT  
I can remember when they first rolled these out. The engineering corps had to recall them all because they never lasted more than 3 minutes before the batteries went dead.

GROOT  
Huh...so how did they get round that one?

SLANT  
They utilized a new, compact energy source!

KOOT  
And what's that?

SLANT  
LIVING SOULS.

Koot plays around with an invisible joystick.

KOOT  
Uncanny...

A beep is heard.

EL  
Scan complete. Everyone hush and let me report.

El presses an invisible button and speaks in a slightly louder tone.

EL  
Finished scouting area 7X. No sign of activity. Shall we proceed to 7Y?

There is static on the radio.

EL  
Larb, are you even listening to me?

There's a burst of activity in the radio and Larb can be heard with the many myriad sounds of Zim screeching and things exploding in the back ground.

LARB (O.S  
That's COMMANDER Larb, to you! Don't you dare presume your superiors!

KOOT  
Ooooh! Busted!

El shoots Koot a glance before speaking into the radio again. The explosions are dying down, but Zim still seems to be pronouncing his greatness in the static.

EL  
I apologize, but we sort of need instructions...

LARB (O.S  
You're Invaders! Couldn't you go and do things on your own, we're kinda in the middle of something...

GROOT  
We'll never find out what the Meekrob are doing at this rate.

LARB (O.S  
Okay, hold on...

The radio goes silent as Larb seems to disappear from the radio. Zim continues to screech until a loud thwacking noise is heard. Larb returns to the radio.

LARB (O.S  
Okay, you were saying?

SLANT  
There's nothing going on out here. No transmissions, no sensors, no nothing. I'm starting to think Tenn was just caught under some rocks or something.

LARB (O.S  
The Tallest wouldn't send the cream of the military if it was just an ACCIDENT.

An alarm rings in Nen's cockpit.

NEN  
Hold on! I'm picking something up!

LARB (O.S  
Patch it through!

INT: INVADER BASE

We see a reflection of Larb in a monitor. Behind him is a tent with a big smouldering hole in the side and Zim twitching in a heap in the corner. The monitor flashes up and a diagram of the planet with a dot approaching the surface slowly. The dot is pulsing, caught in the extremity of a scanner sweep emanating from the surface.

LARB  
A ship is entering orbit. It seems to have some kind of advanced stealth technology masking our sensors. Only the Megadoomers could've detected it.

ZIM  
Oh, you shall face my wrath...

Larb seems to sigh.

LARB  
Not again...

Information appears to emerge from the dot.

LARB  
More info...it's Irken! No...wait...it's a highly modified Spittle Runner. An old design, but modified beyond any of our current capabilities. Registry tracks it to a...garbage dump on Planet Dirt. Who is this guy?

ZIM  
Zim is not pleased. When the Tallest get wind of this, you will have to face the rats!

Larb turns to Zim.

LARB  
Look, I don't want you here! No one wants you here! The Tallest may be scared out of their suits about your mere existence, but I...

An alarm rings out of the display. Larb snaps back.

LARB  
An unencoded, open transmission? Is this guy a MORON or something?

The display transforms into a huge, beaming picture of Dib.

DIB  
HI EVERYONE! WOW! A REAL WAR! I WANNA HELP OUT! I'LL TAKE YOU ANYTIME IRKEN SCUM!

GAZ  
Ugh...

Zim jolts up at Dib's face.

ZIM  
ARGH! I can't believe that snivelling human followed Skoodge here!

DIB  
Hey, is this thing working? IS THIS THING WORKING?

LARB  
Y'know what? It figures that you know this person.

ZIM  
He'll ruin everything!

LARB  
Maybe if we ignore him, he'll go away?

DIB  
I know there's someone out there fighting the Irken Empire! I want to help out! I gotta! I'm going crazy out here!

GAZ  
GOING crazy?

DIB  
Just give me a sign!

An alarm sounds, this time with several red flashing lights, and into the tent, Invader Chin rushes in, gasping.

CHIN  
Commander!

Chin pauses to catch his breath. Larb and Zim look on whimsically.

LARB  
The monitoring station is only a few metres away, Chin. You must REALLY be out of shape.

CHIN  
A missile's been launched from the planet's surface!

LARB  
WHAT?

All heads spin towards the monitor, where the interior of Tak's ship has lit up with all kinds of flashing lights and Dib's entering panic mode.

TAK'S SHIP  
Impact imminent! Evasive action recommended!

Gaz stares out of the cockpit wide-eyed then disappears under the seat. Dib just keeps trying to fiddle with controls.

DIB  
What? What's going on?

GAZ  
DIB! DUCK!

DIB  
Awww...it's nice to know you care...ARGH!

The monitor erupts into static and returns to the display screen with Larb, Zim and Chin reflected. The display shows Tak's ship, now flashing red, plummeting to the planet's surface. Its trajectory has a white streak heading into it. Zim heads outside in a rush, but Larb doesn't notice, concentrating on the display. The comms come back into play.

EL (O.S  
What's happening, Commander?

LARB  
Something's come up.

EXT: MEEKROB, NIGHT

The five are still huddled in mid-air.

LARB (O.S  
You're to return to base camp immediately.

EL  
Affirmed.

Around the five figures, Megadoomers emerge out of cloak. They turn towards the South, crouch, then rocket along the ground back towards base camp.

EXT: BASE CAMP

Invaders are still piecing things back together from the wreckage, but enough is working to still retain some semblance of organisation. Zim storms out of the main tent and yells at the monitoring station nearby, manned by Invader Kim.

ZIM  
Where'd that missile come from?

KIM  
Who put you in charge?

ZIM  
DO NOT QUESTION ZIM!

KIM  
OKAY! We've tracked the trajectory to sector 14Q!

ZIM  
EXCELLENT! GIR! MINIMOOSE!

GIR jumps in red mode towards Zim and salutes, while Minimoose impacts into the back of GIR's head and screams in the affirmative.

GIR  
YES SIR!

MINIMOOSE  
PEEEEEEEEP!

ZIM  
We shall rescue Tenn from this slime and destroy all they hold dear! Nothing shall stand in our way!

GIR  
I LOVE YOU, PAAAAAA!

ZIM  
FORWARD TO VICTO-

LARB  
STOP!

Zim is interrupted in his rant and turns angrily round to Commander Larb, who's tired himself from shouting so loud.

LARB  
Thank you! I cannot authorise your mission, Zim. We need to hold back and find out exactly what we're dealing with here. If we play our cards too early, we'll be wiped from the face of this planet!

ZIM  
Pah! Zim needs no orders!

Zim starts wandering off.

LARB  
I'm the Commander of this mission! The Tallest said explicitly that you were to do exactly what I say!

Zim waves Larb off.

ZIM  
Yeeeaaah...suuure they did...

Skoodge abruptly jumps into the picture.

SKOODGE  
Can I come too?

ZIM  
ZIM NEEDS NO HELP!

Skoodge continues to grin vacantly, expecting confirmation to come any moment now.

ZIM  
Ugh...if you really WANT to...

Skoodge waves his arms in joy and follows him. Zim continues to glare at Larb. Larb seems to remain sceptical.

LARB  
If you go now, you'll probably end up dead before the day's out.

Zim nods enthusiastically, as we see the four of them line up. At this prospect, Larb changes his mind.

LARB  
Okay, you can go.

Zim wavers for a moment, then salutes. He goes over to GIR.

ZIM  
Ready your thrusters, GIR! Destination Sector 14Q!

GIR levitates himself and lets Zim and Skoodge sit on his back.

GIR  
This feels nice.

ZIM  
ONWARD TO VICTORY!

GIR's motors start, and the group rockets off into the distance, with Minimoose squeaking behind them in overdrive. Larb witnesses them disappear into the distance, then turns back.

LARB  
Goodbye and good riddance...

INT: SECRET CAVERNS

Dib slowly opens his eyes, having been knocked unconscious by the missile hit. Apart from a gash over his right eye, he's in pretty okay shape, just lying flat on his back in what seems to be a kind of cavern. It's dark, so he looks around timidly and walks towards what appears to be a corridor. It's lighter out here, but he takes the time to lean against a wall and rub his head.

LARD NAR  
Don't provoke her!

SPLEENK  
I'm not provoking her!

This exchange jolt's Dib's attention and he stares down the corridor at the Resisty aliens surrounding Gaz, who's fending off them by waving around Shloonktaplooxis as if he was a weapon. The Resisty seem cowed, Gaz determined, and Shloonktaplooxis on the verge of hysterics.

SHLOONKTAPLOOXIS  
HELP ME! HELP ME! I WANNA LIIIVE!

DIB  
Gaz?

Lard Nar spins round.

LARD NAR  
Oh no! Not another one!

DIB  
What's going on?

GAZ  
They shot at us down!

LARD NAR  
I've said sorry for that already, haven't I?

DIB  
Who are you?

Lard Nar feels his ego swelling. Behind him, a Resisty member tries to get close to Gaz, who promptly throws Shloonktaplooxis at him.

LARD NAR  
Ah! I see you've heard of us!

DIB  
Nooooo...I just asked who you were-

LARD NAR  
We are the Resisty! The forefront of the rebellion against Operation Impending Doom 2!

Dib's eyes widen.

DIB  
You're the ones fighting the Irkens?

LARD NAR  
The one and only...

DIB  
Well...no offence...but couldn't you have picked a better name?

Lard Nar just glares.

LARD NAR  
IT WAS A MINORITY DECISION!

GAZ  
Dib, this is boring. Can we go now?

DIB  
Wait...I want to fight the Irkens as well! That's why I came!

LARD NAR  
An excellent choice! The Resisty's ranks have swelled since our first actions a year ago! You would be a fine addition to an unstoppable team!

Dib looks around at the frankly pathetic conglomeration of creatures surrounding him.

DIB  
Is this it?

LARD NAR  
Well, my second-in-command is currently interrogating the prisoner. Apart from that, there's those two guys over there...

RESISTY GUY  
Uh...sorry. We just didn't manage the invite first time round.

LARD NAR  
Oh...uh...

There's a few rather embarrassing seconds before Lard Nar has the urge to speak again.

LARD NAR  
Well we have ONE new member at least! My second-in-command, and our first Irken member! Without her, I'd never be able to get anything out of this pathetic bunch of saps.

SPLEENK  
Hey!

SHLOONKTAPLOOXIS  
The pain...

A beep is heard at the door. They all turn to look, and a broad smile crosses Lard Nar's face for the first time.

LARD NAR  
That'll be her now! The prisoner must finally be answering her questions. I'm sure you'll get along just fine, but she has a way with people she doesn't like...

The door opens to reveal Tak and Mimi. Tak is wiping some green stuff off her hands and is especially surprised to see Dib in front of her, and vice versa. Immediately the three of them spring into defensive mode, with Tak and Dib jumping into position, ready to fight. Tak promptly springs her spider legs and dominates Dib, who limply forfeits as Mimi takes up position behind him.

DIB  
Okay, you win.

GAZ  
Pfft. Show-off.

Lard Nar jumps in to seperate the two.

LARD NAR  
Hey! Hey! Calm down! We're both on the same side!

DIB  
We are?

Tak retracts her spider legs, much to Dib's relief, but still dominates him to a certain extent.

TAK  
I should have anticipated this. I'm not going to enjoy working with you, Dib, so don't expect any camaraderie to develop.

DIB  
Who said we were working together? What's going on?

LARD NAR  
This is Tak, though I'm going to assume you've met before. She's the newest member of the Resisty!

DIB  
You'd rebel against your own kind?

TAK  
Pfft. I never liked it very much to begin with. The more I think about Zim's success, the less I think of it as a fluke. A stupid society gives rise to a stupid Invader, that's all there is to it! How he managed to defeat me three times now is something of a mystery.

DIB  
Heh...I did have a hand in one of those...

TAK  
And don't think I'll forget it! Wait...how did you get here?

DIB  
Well, I just used...(realizes)...uh...my own ingenious ship-building skills! Yeah, that's probably it...

Tak gazes over to Gaz, who points to an alcove. Tak runs over to see her ship, slightly smouldering, parked inside.

TAK  
Is that my ship?

DIB  
What? Nooo! I'm sure there's loads of ships out there that look like yours...heh...

Tak runs to her ship.

TAK  
Ship! System status!

TAK'S SHIP  
Command voice not recognized. Though it sounds weirdly familiar.

TAK  
THAT IS MY SHIP! LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO IT!

DIB  
I...made some improvements...

TAK  
My calibrations...my engine design...

DIB  
If you think I could've done better in a few areas...

Tak breaks down sobbing.

TAK  
It was a work of art! Wait...

Tak perks up.

TAK  
You piloted it into orbit and sent that stupid signal!

Tak spins around accusingly.

TAK  
YOU MADE ME SHOOT DOWN MY OWN SHIP!

DIB  
Hey! You were trying to destroy my world! I think I've got the moral high-ground here!

TAK  
Moral high-ground...it's easy for a kid like you to talk about a moral high-ground! This is the first place I've managed to fit into in my entire existence!

Dib looks once again at the Resisty aliens.

DIB  
Amongst this bunch of half-wits?

SPLEENK  
Why do they keep insulting us?

TAK  
Half-wits they may be...

SPLEENK  
Again with the insulting...

TAK  
But I'm not going back to the Tallest! Not for Irk, not for anything!

LARD NAR  
THAT'S the spirit! Now if we can just stop yelling at each other and get to the task at hand...

GAZ  
Finally...

LARD NAR  
What have you come to report?

TAK  
I've finally persuaded her to answer my questions, but I don't think she really knows anything important. At least, anything I don't know about. She's as much of a pawn as the rest of her species.

LARD NAR  
Well then, I suppose we should introduce our newest members to our real purpose here.

DIB  
Which is what?

LARD NAR  
Defeating the Armada, of course! Follow me!

The lot of them leave through the door, with Dib and Gaz following suit. We retreat through the catacombs above until a small, dark corner of the complex is visible, sandwiched between two rocky edifices. Through the ceiling of pure granite, rocks come flying everywhere and Zim, Skoodge and GIR fall through the hole created, as they get to their feet, groaning in pain, GIR just claps his hands in glee. Zim remonstrates.

ZIM  
What was that for?

GIR  
LEMONADE!

Minimoose flies into the back of Skoodge's head and Zim looks around.

ZIM  
This looks like the area Tenn was captured in.

SKOODGE  
Wouldn't that make us in enemy territory?

A moment passes, and Zim immediately transforms from standing there looking bemused into full faux-commando mode, clinging to the floor and peering around all paranoid.

ZIM  
WE MUST BE ALERT! To be discovered would mean our doom...

GIR  
Lemon!

ZIM  
In order to get through this situation alive...YOU MUST DO WHATEVER ZIM COMMANDS!

At this outburst, Skoodge just shrugs.

SKOOGDE  
Fine by me.

ZIM  
EXCELLENT!

Zim looks around and squints s'more.

ZIM  
Follow me...

Zim crawls all crab-like to a nearby opening, while Skoodge creeps behind warily, Minimoose floats, and GIR, as always, remains in his own personal dream-world.

GIR  
Lemons are niiiiice...

INT: CATACOMBS

We now cut to a camera display, periodically jumping and flickering as cameras do, while partially hidden behind a ridge in the rock as Lard Nar and the rest of the Resisty make their way down a corridor with Dib and Gaz in tow. Lard Nar has this air of self-confidence around him, while Dib seems to be marvelling at the organisation at work.

DIB  
So, we get to shoot things?

LARD NAR  
After a fashion.

DIB  
And save the universe and blow stuff up and things like that?

LARD NAR  
Eventually.

DIB  
Will we get to see ninjas?

LARD NAR  
What? No!

Most of the Resisty pass by the camera's view, until we see Tak and Mimi bring up the rear. Tak pauses briefly and looks up suspiciously in the direction of the camera, at which point our view streaks and we see Zim holding Minimoose like a pair of binoculars quickly hiding behind a rock, briefly flabberghasted. Skoodge perks up in interest.

ZIM  
Dib and Tak! Working together! Ugh...of all my worst nightmares!

SKOODGE  
Ooh! Ooh! Can I look?

ZIM  
No! Course you can't! Only Zim shall be allowed to look through the Moose of Evilness!

MINIMOOSE  
SQUEAK!

ZIM  
Yes! You are evil! It says so in the manual!

SKOODGE  
So what's going on?

ZIM  
Uh...I dunno! Let's take a look!

Zim peers round the rock. Tak looks over her shoulder suspiciously then moves to join the group. The situation hasn't changed much. They seem to be approaching an obelisk of some kind.

DIB  
Well, if you don't have any ninjas, then how do you expect to fight the Armada?

LARD NAR  
Are you always this annoying?

GAZ  
Yes.

LARD NAR  
If you must have an answer, I'll introduce you to this planet's denizens.

Lard Nar turns towards the obelisk and bows his head in respect. He then raises his head towards the top of the obelisk and stretches his arms, chanting the holy rite of prayer.

LARD NAR  
COME OUT HERE, YOU LAZY BLOBS!

A light beams off the top of the obelisk and the Meekrob appear from above, briefly appearing as aliens before turning into...string-ball rackets.

MEEKROB  
We shall allow this audience, as we are grateful for your presence during these dark times, but do hurry, we're about to play croquet.

In the background, Zim peers closely with intent.

ZIM  
The enemy have revealed themselves! Time to gather data. MINIMOOSE! RECORD!

MINIMOOSE  
SQUEAK!

Minimoose turns towards the Resisty and closes his irises as if in concentration. A buzz is heard while this is going on. In the meantime, Dib is watching the aliens agape, while Gaz almost ignores them.

LARD NAR  
Recruits! I would like you to meet the Meekrob! Beings of pure energy who've had a lot of trouble with the Irkens this past year.

DIB  
I remember you!

The Meekrob look at each other then back to Dib.

MEEKROB  
If we had dealings with corporeal beings with big heads, we're sure we would have remembered it.

DIB  
Uh...long story. How did you guys meet up?

MEEKROB  
Normally, we would not have dealings with corporeal species, being on a higher plane of existence don'tcha know, but these pesky Irkens have proven irritably harmful to us as a race. We are not equipped to handle beings of this nature, and we were losing fast.

LARD NAR  
And so, we offered our services! Normally, such a situation like this would be a lost cause, as it's been for our own planets. But, we've discovered something that may just tip the balance in our favour! Tak! If you would do the honours...

Lard Nar grins triumphantly while Tak just glares whimsically.

TAK  
You're loving this far too much...

Tak looks up at a gem embedded in the wall behind the obelisk and flashes her eyes. The gem glows then seperates, taking a vast section of the wall with it. The entire stone edifice seperates into three doors that slowly slide apart seismically, light penetrates into a vast black chasm that Dib slowly and timidly wanders into. Zim peers closely. Dib is feeling his way into the darkness, looking around and wondering what he's supposed to be looking at, until a number of lights flash up to illuminate THE BIGGEST ARSENAL OF HEAVY WEAPONRY THE UNIVERSE HAS EVER SEEN! Dib is utterly amazed at this sight, Lard Nar grins mischeviously, and even Gaz opens her eyes in shock. Zim stares open-mouthed.

ZIM  
SWEET ARBITER OF PLASMA BURNS!

Tak spins around suddenly as Zim ducks out of sight a second time. Tak remains glaring for a few moments, then signals to Mimi to keep an eye out and follows Lard Nar, who has caught up with Dib and Gaz in the meantime. The weaponry surrounding them is silver and metallic, using jets, tires and caterpillar tracks for movement, bristling with conventional ballistic weaponry, but in vast, dangerous amounts. Lard Nar looks smug as he presses Gaz's attention for a few moments. Eventually, Gaz relents.

GAZ  
ALRIGHT! I'M IMPRESSED! YOU HAPPY?

DIB  
This is incredible! I don't think I've ever seen so many guns!

LARD NAR  
That's not even the best part! It's all fully-automated! A small team of operators can handle an entire war!

DIB  
How did you get all this stuff?

MEEKROB  
Shortly before our evolution, we concentrated our resources into building immense war machines to fight our battles. This is what remains of that era.

DIB  
Why did you get rid of it?

MEEKROB  
After a while, we started thinking...what's the point?

Gaz gives out a snort of disapproval. Dib procrastinates further.

DIB  
How're you planning to use all this?

LARD NAR  
We can't do anything with it while the Irkens are out destroying the galaxy, so we plan to take on the Armada here. Tak here managed to hold one of their Invaders hostage for that purpose.

DIB  
Oh yeah! That's why we came! The Tallest have sent all their Invaders here to get the Invader back!

LARD NAR  
Just the Invaders? Looks like we'll have to try harder, then.

Tak has managed to reach Lard Nar and whispers some news into his ear. He starts sporting a mischevious grin again.

LARD NAR  
Would you like a demonstration?

DIB  
Ooh! Ooh! Please!

Lard Nar reaches into his pocket and pulls out a remote control. He beeps a few commands and what seems like a bog-standard security bot wheels out to the side of the two, pausing for a moment before snapping out a couple of REALLY BIG chain-guns.

ROBOT  
AUTO-ELIMINATE COMMAND ACTIVATED!

Peering through the robot's camera view, we see the Resisty outlined by green boxes, so obviously the robot's been subject to quite a bit of re-programming. "Friendly" appears next to their boxes, but pauses on Tak for a few moments while her own box flashes between green and red. Tak presses a button on her wrist that transforms her into her human form. The box turns fully green. The camera swings round to the cavern's opening, and past everyone else towards an outcrop of rock in the wall on the other side. The camera x-rays through the rock to reveal Zim, Skoodge, Minimoose and GIR (waving eagerly in recognition) with their boxes outlined in red. Zim turns in response to the sound made by the robot.

ROBOT  
ENEMY LOCATED! ELIMINATION IN PROGRESS!

A target lock appears round the group while Zim seems a bit shell-shocked.

ZIM  
Eep.

The cavern shakes as the bot lets loose a volley of heavy machine-gun fire. The firepower is such that anyone nearby shields themselves from the force, and Dib ducks to the ground, screaming. A huge section of the wall is blasted into oblivion until all we can see is a huge cloud of smoke. The gun-fire stops and after a moment Skoodge comes falling out of the cloud screaming his head off. On the other side of the cloud, the passageway is shot to pieces, and Zim runs screaming with GIR and Minimoose in tow.

GIR  
THAT WAS FUUUUUUN!

Skoodge is cowering in a fetal position, but recovers as members of the Resisty crowd over him with murderous intent in their eyes. Skoodge grins in the only way Skoodge can.

SKOODGE  
Uh...how're ya doing? Erk.

Skoodge is grabbed by the collar, while Dib is still cowering from the gunfire with Gaz on the floor beside him. Dib looks up at Skoodge, who's gone back to screaming and shouting "ow" repeatedly, as the robot above powers down and leaves.

DIB  
I'm not so sure about this anymore...

GAZ  
Ugh...this whole thing starts to get interesting and NOW you start complaining? Give me a break...

INT: INTERROGATION ROOM

We're peering around inside a darkened room, with little or no illumination. A darkened figure is strapped to a chair, but it's impossible to make out its features. A light shines in as a door opens, revealing the figure to be Irken, but nothing more, with green blotches all over its uniform. Tak (back in Irken form) is holding Skoodge at the entrance.

TAK  
Now, you'd better co-operate unless you want to end up like your friend Tenn here...

Tak flicks on a light to reveal Tenn strapped to a chair. However, despite being horribly bruised, she actually seems perfectly happy. She even makes a happy-happy-joy-joy face when Skoodge appears.

TENN  
Ooh! A friend to play with!

Skoodge looks up at Tak timidly.

SKOODGE  
Looks fine to me.

Tak shakes her head.

TAK  
How you people manage to conquer the universe I'll never know. JUST GET IN THERE!

Tak throws Skoodge in and locks the door behind him. Skoodge sits up and makes a lop-sided grin.

SKOODGE  
You seem swell!

TENN  
Well, life has its ups and downs. Hey! You wanna play I-spy!

SKOODGE  
Do I?

TENN  
Okay, I spy with my little eye something beginning with "R".

SKOODGE  
ROCK?

TENN  
Ha ha! ROCKS!

SKOODGE  
Awwww...you were always too clever for me!

Tenn giggles.

EXT: IRKEN BASE CAMP

Larb is sending a communication to the Tallest. Larb seems exacberated while the Tallest just seem annoyed.

LARB  
You've gotta get me some reinforcements! I can't handle this with just 30 people!

RED  
What part of "subtle" don't you understand?

LARB  
Why play it so safe? Don't you trust my judgement?

PURPLE  
You may command the Third Fleet, but that doesn't make you Tallest! Don't think you can escape another pummeling!

RED  
We put you in command to follow our orders to the letter! Don't get any funny ideas!

The transmission bleeps out, and Larb, irritated, kicks Sneakyonfoota in the behind.

SNEAKYONFOOTA  
Thank you sir!

Larb remains steaming as we fade to black.

TO BE CONTINUED... 


	3. Part Two A

INVADER ZIM "SMALL WAR" - PART TWO EPISODE #220 (IZFAS)  
WRITTEN BY RASPUTIN BASED ON ORIGINAL CONCEPT BY JHONEN VASQUEZ

INT: MEEKROB WEAPONS CACHE

A piece of machinery slides past and reveals the cavern abuzz with activity. The Resisty are loading weaponry, unloading weaponry, checking off lists, moving items, and a couple are fighting over their lunch. Overseeing the inspection regime is Tak, looking sternly at the morass of sharp, pointy missiles. Dib looks upon the whole process with Gaz in tow. Dib is over-excited while Gaz looks mightily more sceptical than last time

DIB  
With this amount of explosives, I don't think the Irkens have a chance!

GAZ  
Pfft...like you know a whole lot about nothing...

DIB  
What?

Dib peers sideways at Gaz. A whole lot of activity goes on around them, to make the two talking heads interesting.

DIB  
What are you getting at, Gaz?

GAZ  
We should go now.

DIB  
WHAT? Why?

Gaz lets off an exasperated sigh.

GAZ  
FINE, Dib! I don't want to stay here with these morons anymore! They're not going to win and I'm not interested in a game I can't beat...

DIB  
C'mon, Gaz! The battle hasn't even started yet! Once you're in there kicking Irken booty you'll lighten up! You'll see!

GAZ  
Listen, the ONLY reason I'm here is cuz I'd nothing else to do this weekend. But Bloaty's is having a 'splorge' evening at seven so if YOU wanna stay, fine.

Gaz is wandering away.

GAZ  
Cuz I'm leaving.

DIB  
I'm the only one who can unlock the ship.

Gaz stops, profoundly annoyed. She turns back and grabs Dib by the neck.

GAZ  
If you want to stay able to stand up, you'd better unlock the ship for me.

DIB  
I'm not leaving this place, Gaz! You can threaten me all you want!

Gaz shakes Dib repeatedly.

DIB (disorientated  
...okay...threaten me SOME you want...

GAZ  
SPLORGE AT SEVEN! Why do you want to STAY here if you know you're gonna die?

DIB  
Some things are more important, Gaz, and this is one of them! NOTHING I've done on Earth can match what I can do here and I'm going to make the best of it!

GAZ  
I meant die at the hands of ME, but why do you think this bunch of losers can win?

DIB  
Hey, I have faith in a cause, buster!

GAZ  
Tak doesn't, and she's more qualified to an opinion than you.

DIB  
What? Why do you care about what Tak thinks?

GAZ  
I DON'T, but you're MAKING me! ARGH!

Gaz throws Dib to one side and stomps off. Dib looks back at his sister's retreating figure.

DIB  
What DOES Tak think, anyway?

Dib spies Tak, who is looking as cooly annoyed as usual. She seems profoundly dissatisfied about something. One of the huge three-headed Resisty, named JEEPERS, is carrying a crate of rockets.

JEEPERS  
Where you want these, ma'am?

TAK (distracted  
Ech, over there by the slingshots and pea-shooters...

Jeepers looks puzzled, but takes the instruction literally and heads away. Dib wanders over to Tak.

DIB  
Hey...Tak...I know we got off on the wrong foot 'n all, so...

TAK  
Not now, can't you see I'm trying to build a fortress out of cardboard boxes?

Tak shoos Dib off.

DIB  
Er...what? Come again? Hey!

Tak wanders off while Dib remains puzzled. There is an orifice in the cavern apart from the rest that's serving as an office for Lard Nar. Tak is about to enter it when she hears noises.

PLANET JACKER 1  
You got what you wanted?

LARD NAR  
Oh yes, the package delivered safely enough. You could have been a bit more subtle in transporting it.

PLANET JACKER 2  
Hey! It took us months to scrounge that thing up! Don't say you don't appreciate it!

PLANET JACKER 1  
I'm surprised you got the guts for something this big.

LARD NAR  
Anything that harms the Irkens is fair game. And besides, I've told you about the Meekrob approaching Awakening. If they awaken, the universe will be in a whole HEAP of trouble!

Tak peers round the corner to see two Planet Jackers standing in front of Lard Nar, whose back is turned.

PLANET JACKER 2  
Can you hold the Irkens off long enough?

LARD NAR  
I ran into Larb a fair few times back on Vort. I know how his mind works.

PLANET JACKER 1  
Yeah well, we've trusted you this far, just don't mess anything up!

The Planet Jackers disappear into shining green beams. Tak reveals herself fully.

TAK  
Who were you talking to?

Lard Nar spins round and shrieks before regaining his composure.

LARD NAR  
Er...oh, just organising a little trump card for our final showdown.

Tak glares, crossing her arms. Lard Nar puts on another mischevious smile. Dib comes running into the cavern.

DIB  
Hey, wait! What did you mean by that?

Tak remains staring at Lard Nar for a moment, only acknowledging Dib's presence after a long silence.

TAK  
What are you doing here?

DIB  
Well, I...uh...

Tak scoffs in frustration and heads off outside to inspect a pile of machinery.

TAK  
I'm getting back to work! I don't have time to worry about a stupid human like you!

Dib stares cock-eyed in Tak's direction.

DIB  
How do you put up with her?

LARD NAR  
Put up with her? How would I have put up without her? Until she came along we were just a disorganised band of idiots. Now we have purpose!

Dib peers round, realising something.

DIB  
You like her, don't you?

LARD NAR  
Oh, just comradely appreciation. But you have to admit there's something about her.

The two stare out at Tak while she messes around diligently with a machine of some variety. Her movements are carefully mapped out with purpose and precision, and a constantly inquiring eye.

LARD NAR  
A defective with no place in Irken society, with no place ANYWHERE for that matter, yet instead of being just another tick-mark on some Irken biologist's "to-do" list, she has this overwhelming determination to shape the universe to her wishes. There's something poetic about that.

Tak grabs the collar of a nearby worker.

TAK  
These pipes are supposed to be clear, you piece of slime!

Dib peers at Lard Nar quizically.

DIB  
Yeah, pretty.

SPLEENK  
Hey! Um...leader...guy!

Lard Nar pushes Dib into the wall in urgency.

LARD NAR  
What? What is it?

SPLEENK  
I've found a traitor!

Spleenk comes running up and holds the cute 'lil vomit monster known as Blarg to Lard Nar's face. The vomiting cherub vomits in incomprehension.

SPLEENK  
He's not helping out or anything!

LARD NAR  
Blarg! I should have known! You've been warned about this before, but NOW I see you've been actively hindering the war effort! What do you have to say for yourself?

Blarg vomits in frustration and wiggles his measly arms as a self-evident explanation. Dib walks up them, rubbing the back of his head.

DIB  
What's going on?

LARD NAR  
There's only one solution to this! READY THE CATAPULT!

EXT: RESISTY BASE

We're now above ground, where some pieces of equipment lie scatterd around the site. The Resisty are crowded round a vertical launcher with Blarg strapped to it, slowly vomiting in fear. Dib stares on fearfully, Gaz amusingly, and Tak somewhat resignedly. Lard Nar makes a good show of this.

LARD NAR  
Comrade Blarg! You are charged with blatant non-involvement with intent to harm the Resisty! For that, you shall be launched into the void! Do you have any final requests?

Blarg justs vomits in terror.

LARD NAR  
Aw, shucks.

Lard Nar signals to Shloonktaplooxis to activate the launcher.

DIB  
Wait! Stop!

Lard Nar swivels round to face Dib as Shloonktaplooxis activates the launcher, sending Blarg screaming into outer space. Shloonktaplooxis stares into the sky and salivates at the sight. Dib stares angrily at Lard Nar while he stares back, before launching into a speech

LARD NAR  
Let that be a lesson to all of you! If we are to survive, we must work together as a team! No one can afford to disrupt our organisation, or otherwise we will perish. Isn't that right?

The Resisty nod, but while Tak looks stern, Lard Nar ignores her concern and concentrates pleasingly on Dib, who's looking at the ground disgusted.

DIB  
...'s a stupid organisation...

Lard Nar's smile dissipates and he glares angrily at the rest of the group.

LARD NAR  
This isn't a holiday! Get back to work! We've an Armada to beat!

The Resisty wander off, including Dib and Gaz, who seem to be sharing some poutiness.

GAZ  
Now can we leave?

Tak remains, looking stern, clearly about to voice her concerns.

TAK  
Lard Nar, we have to discuss...

Lard Nar pats Tak on the shoulder and leans into her ear.

LARD NAR  
Keep an eye on those two, will you?

Lard Nar gives Tak a re-assuring pat and leaves elsewhere. While Tak seems momentarily shocked, then angry as she smashes her fist into a nearby terminal before wandering off back to her own duties.

INT: INTERROGATION ROOM

Skoodge and Tenn are both strapped to chairs and somewhat bruised. They seem to be having a fairly jovial conversation.

SKOODGE  
...and then he took away the piggies and called me a "chump".

TENN  
Awww...it sounds horrible to live with Zim.

SKOODGE  
Well, he's an okay guy at heart. But sometimes he can be so...

TENN  
...dangerously unbalanced?

SKOODGE  
Yeah! That's it exactly! Oh, I wished I'd teamed up with you when they were handing out assignments.

TENN  
May be a bit of a moot point now. I don't think the Tallest would want either of us back after this debacle. And we were the only Invaders left with SIRs, after all.

SKOODGE  
What happened to Jin-Jin?

TENN  
She was smashed into a million chunks and buried in the next cave. If only I could get near her. What about yours?

SKOODGE  
Oh my! I nearly forgot about Pudge! I sent him into hiding on Earth, but he should be on-call.

TENN  
Why send him into hiding?

SKOODGE  
He could never wash dishes after himself. Now if I could...just...

Skoodge starts to shuffle in his chair.

INT: EARTH SUPERMARKET

Pudge, with barely any effort at disguising himself, is dressed as a floor-mopper at some miserable earth grocery chain. Muzak is playing, grunge is everywhere, yadda yadda yadda.

ANNOUNCER  
Clean-up on aisle nine. Clean-up on aisle nine.

PUDGE  
Pudge is not happy. Pudge don't like cleaning up floors. Pudge resisting urge to destroy...

Pudge's eyes beep and he bolts upright.

PUDGE  
PUDGE ROCKS!

Pudge rockets through the ceiling straight out of his uniform. An acne-infested floor manager turns the corner to his direction and groans.

EMPLOYEE  
Awww! That's the third one this week!

EXT: MEEKROB LANDSCAPE

The night sky looms large as we can spy three figures alternately walking, skipping, and floating through the endless expanse. Zim, GIR, and Minimoose, unsurprisingly, trudging back to base after a spectacularly failed mission.

ZIM  
Argh! This is so humiliating! Discovered by some inferior alien scum, having chunks of rock caught in our clothes, and to top it all off YOU had to trade half your jet fuel for bottle caps!

GIR ceases skipping temporarily and pushes out a handful of bottle caps.

GIR  
Want some?

ZIM  
NO!

MINIMOOSE  
SQUEAK!

GIR continues on and discovers an outcrop of rock which he merrily thwacks his head against repeatedly.

ZIM  
And you can't have any either! Honestly, it's infuriating! The great Zim cannot be treated in this manner, I am a genius! I should have been able to defeat them all by myself and WILL YOU HURRY UP?

GIR looks up and pouts, and in irritation pulls the rock out of the ground and keeps thwacking his head while walking. Zim continues in his path until he steps on the spot GIR pulled the rock from. It groans, and as he stops to look around suspiciously for a moment the ground collapses beneath him.

ZIM  
AAAAAAAAHHHHH! GIR! HELP MEEEEeeeee...

GIR just continues walking with Minimoose, ignorant of his master's cries and having the time of his life hitting his head on a piece of rock.

INT: UNDERGROUND

Zim screams all the way down until he hits the bottom, disorientatingly looking around and balking at a sight before him. Indeed, before him is a huge, hulking monstrosity of a creature, coloured blue and scaly like the Meekrob, but very physical and very scary, were it not for the fact that he's wearing strapped jeans and a shirt, and is currently at a table with others of his kind, playing cards. As it is, he just gives a cursory glance around and returns to his game.

MEEKRUB 1  
I'll raise 10.

MEEKRUB 2  
10? Now I know you're bluffing.

MEEKRUB 1  
Just play the game, tuna breath.

Zim, a bit irritated, coughs for attention.

MEEKRUB 1  
Hmm? Oh yeah...

Meekrub 1 gets up and reveals his full, unimpressive stature.

MEEKRUB 1  
Raaaargh! Urrrgh! Arrrrgh...and so forth.

Zim winces at the creatures.

INT: RESISTY BASE

The base is shaded in night, shadows crawling up narrow corridors, while other shadows join them as two figures creep through the gloom. Whispers can be heard.

DIB  
To move in shadows, Gaz, you must be prepared to disappear, to vanish into thin air, you must move like the night, act like the night, BECOME the night! Then you...thwack OW!

GAZ  
Pfft. Amateur. Why are we even still here? Why did I agree to come with you? What's WRONG with me today?

DIB  
I need your expertise, Gaz. There's something seriously wrong going on here, and I think employing Tak is just part of it.

GAZ  
So what are YOU going to do about it?

DIB  
I will have to sneak into secured areas, you need to tell me if anyone's approaching.

GAZ  
Well in that case, there's someone standing right behind you.

DIB  
What? ARGH!

Tak emerges out of cloak and clamps Dib's mouth shut.

TAK  
Of all the people, it just has to be YOU ruining my chances, hasn't it?

DIB  
Wmmf mmf fmm fmmunf fmm?

TAK  
None of your business. But if you're planning to sneak past security, you might as well not bother. I designed it myself.

DIB  
Fmf nnf.

GAZ  
Okay, I'm going back to bed. This is getting dull.

TAK  
Wait!

Tak removes her hand from Dib's mouth but keeps hold of him, while Mimi emerges from the shadows to stop Gaz. Gaz turns to growl.

TAK  
I could use your help.

DIB  
What could you possibly need OUR help for?

TAK  
You're sensible, free-thinking, and annoying enough to cancel out whatever effect Lard Nar has everyone around him. Your sister is just plain nuts enough to think what I'm thinking.

Gaz is clued for a moment.

GAZ  
Was that meant to be a complement or what?

DIB  
No way! Why should I believe a single word you say? I'm not getting duped by you again, Tak!

Tak pauses for a moment, then sighs, relinquishing her grip on Dib.

TAK  
Very well.

Tak shifts into her human form. Startling Dib a bit before he regains his edge.

DIB  
And what's that meant to achieve?

TAK  
I'm giving you a face you can trust. As long as I'm around you, this is my species. Is that enough?

Dib contemplates this for a moment.

DIB  
What do you want us to do?

TAK  
I need you to help me find out what Lard Nar's plan is.

DIB  
Hang on, shouldn't you know it already?

TAK  
As much as he seems to like me...in a rather creepy fashion, admittedly...there are some things even I don't know. He's been having secret correspondences with the Planet Jackers, and they recently delivered a package to him. I need to know what that package was.

DIB  
So that's what you're trying to find.

TAK  
No, he'd have it too well hidden by now. This planet is riddled with hiding places. But it WAS packed in some pretty bulky packaging, and I can think of only one place where he'd get rid of THAT.

Tak turns, and all their gazes turn towards a skanky, smelly hole of smellyness labeled "waste disposal".

DIB  
Waste disposal? You mean you're going to look through a pile of trash?

TAK  
No. But you will.

Mimi takes up a position above the hatchway and opens it, letting out a waft of methane that makes Dib shudder.

DIB  
How did you think this plan up?

TAK  
If living 50 years of a wasted life on a garbage heap has taught me one thing, it's that you can tell a person's entire life from the contents of his trashcan. Now...dig.

Tak's immoveable eyes creep Dib into action. Crawling through the hatchway into the horrors beyond.

DIB  
Oh nooooo...ooh! Ugh! Gack! Gaaaaah...noooooo...eeee...oh my! Oh my! Ooooh! I hope you're enjoying this! Ooooh...Ugh...my eyes...Agh! Eeeee...oooh...uah! Ugh...

During this time, Tak and Gaz have been sharing a whimsical glance, Gaz obviously enjoying his brother's torture, and seemingly seeing Tak in a whole new light.

GAZ  
You know what? You're not half bad...

DIB  
Hey! I think I found it!

Gaz and Tak turn towards the hatchway. A heartbeat later Dib is screaming for his life and he hurries through the hatchway trying to beat off a hideous tentacle monster with a crowbar. He manages, eventually collapsing in a fetid, gungy heap, holding up a slab of cardboard.

DIB  
Is this it?

Tak peers at it.

TAK  
Ah, yes. Quite satisfactory.

DIB  
"Quite satisfactory" she tells me...

Gaz sniggers while Tak leans down the crushed box. They all lean over as Mimi burns away the gunk using her eye lasers. A message appears, full of complex code, but more importantly displaying in huge lettering the word "BOMB". Dib is startled, Tak narrows her eyes while Gaz...just seems to be getting irritated, go figure.

TAK  
"The Mint Chop Corporation Special Economy-size Planet-busting Thermonuclear Bomb"?

DIB  
He's planning to blow up the whole planet!

GAZ  
Okay, THAT'S something I'd like to stick around for.

Tak stands up, seeming serious for a moment.

TAK  
It all makes sense now...the man's an idiot!

DIB  
What are you talking about?

TAK  
I should've seen it coming. Trapped on a planet with limited resources and archaic weaponry and he expected to take on the entire Armada? Even with a bomb in a mix, he's still an idiot. A coward and a weakling trying to play war hero. You've got to be SUBTLE when it comes to an all-powerful space empire!

DIB  
You weren't very subtle with Earth!

TAK  
A planet of barely-evolved monkeys is one thing...

DIB  
Hey!

TAK  
But what does he expect to achieve from all this? He blows our cover, then gives the Irkens better reason than ever to blow us all to smithereens! I don't believe it! I can't believe I was taken in so easily! The lies and promises of real opposition to the Irkens! I'm even stupider than he is!

DIB  
Hey...you don't happen to...say...talk out loud a lot, do you? I never thought it was that strange...

TAK  
SHUT UP!

DIB  
Shutting up...

GAZ  
So are you two going to do something already?

TAK  
I know what I'm going to do...I'm getting out of here!

Tak walks away from the group, Mimi in tow, while Dib just stares dumbfoundedly.

DIB  
Hey! Wait a minute!

GAZ  
C'mon, Dib, she's doing what we should be doing. If Lard Nar wants to blow up the planet, then I want to get a good seat for it!

Dib looks at Gaz with a profound kind of disgust.

DIB  
That's not what we came here for! We came here to free the galaxy! Not exterminate a species!

GAZ  
Okay, I've had it Dib. I've suffered your mission enough! I'm WARNING you! Either you leave now or face my pain!

DIB  
I don't care what you want to do, Gaz! I can't let Lard Nar get away with this!

Dib runs off after Tak, while Gaz starts fuming mercilessly.

GAZ  
I don't GET IT! Why is everyone starting to tell me what to do? YOU ALL INVOKE MY WRATH!

Rings of rope shoot out of the darkness and surround Gaz.

GAZ  
What? But...HEY!

Gaz is bound and pulled into the darkness.

INT: UNDERGROUND

Zim is wandering around beside Meekrub 1, studying the oversized creatures as they scurry about their daily lives.

ZIM  
So what are you people, anyway?

MEEKRUB 1  
We are the MEEKRUB! The true owners of this planet. Not like those smarty-smarty-doo-doo types up there...

Meekrub 1 extends a creaking hand upwards.

ZIM  
But you live in a hole...

MEEKRUB 1  
Yeeeaaah...well we were around before they were. They were like us once. But then they got all smarty and turned into blobs and stuff.

ZIM  
Well why don't you turn into a blob...and stuff.

MEEKRUB 1  
'cos they called us stooooopid. grunt We're not stooopid! We like to bang rocks on each other's heads! If we couldn't do that...snif...life wouldn't be worth living...

ZIM  
I see...well! Must be going! Can't keep my Tallest waiting!

MEEKRUB 1  
Wait! I'm not done yet!

ZIM  
DON'T DICTATE TO ZIM!

MEEKRUB 1  
I still have to tell you about the promised one!

ZIM  
Ugh...fine! But be snappy! I haven't got all day...

MEEKRUB 1  
We long for the day the promised one will return and lead our people in the celestial dance concert. He is prophesised to be not of Meekrub, to have descended from the land above, and at some unspecified point in his visit he will say..."cleaning detergent".

ZIM  
Cleaning detergent?

The entire chamber ceases and gasps, none more so than Meekrub 1.

MEEKRUB 1  
You are the promised one! All hail his greatness!

The chamber kneels at his feet and mumbles, creeping Zim out no end.

ZIM  
So...can I go now?

MEEKRUB 1  
You can't leave! You must lead our celestial dance concert! Overseers!

Zim quickly twists around, scared out of his wits, coming face-to-face with a series of Meekrub holding up, in turn, a cow bell, a sailor costume, and a plug. Zim starts to scream, and scream, and scream, and scream.

EXT: INVADER BASE-CAMP

Larb is sitting at the edge of base-camp, throwing rocks, looking thoroughly under the weather. Invader Spleen dares to come up and try to talk to him.

SPLEEN  
Uh...Commander? Shouldn't we try to...say...probe their base-camp or something?

LARB  
Did the Tallest tell you to do that?

SPLEEN  
...not as such.

LARB  
Then obviously we can't do it, CAN WE?

Larb throws a rock at a bird, knocking it away squawking.

LARB  
What do the Tallest know about war?

SPLEEN  
Sir?

Invader Alexovitch runs towards them, clearly distressed.

ALEXOVITCH  
SIR! ZIM'S ROBOTS! THEY'VE COME BACK!

Larb glances upwards wearingly.

LARB  
Fantastic news, Alexovitch.

ALEXOVITCH  
But sir! They have knowledge of the enemy base!

Larb does seem surprised at this news.

INT: BASE-CAMP TENT

GIR is sitting on a pedestal, surrounded by Invaders and Larb, with Minimoose floating nearby, as GIR recounts his wonderful journey.

GIR  
And there was a rock...then another rock...a rock...a rock...and CANDY FLOSS! No...wait...that was a rock. Then I think there was another rock, or it could have been just a rock. Do you know what you can do with rocks? You can...

In the latter half of this tirade, we glimpse a weary Larb obviously not impressed.

LARB  
This was the vital knowledge of the enemy base you interrupted my valuable bird-stoning for?

ALEXOVITCH  
Well, take a look sir...

Alexovitch picks up Minimoose and stuffs it in GIR's mouth, shutting him up. Minimoose's eyes begin to turn red and oscillate, while GIR's head opens up and projects an image of the weapons cache that fills the tent. The assembled Invaders are stunned, and it is only Larb who recovers first, grabbing Alexovitch in a fit of passion.

LARB  
Assemble everyone in the base! Tell them to prepare for the arrival of reinforcements!

ALEXOVITCH  
But the Tallest...

LARB  
FORGET THE TALLEST!

Larb activates a special communicator from his pak, and the slyest smile you have ever seen crosses his face.

LARB  
If I'd known Lard Nar was involved, I would have done this ages ago. (into communicator) This is a priority message to the Third Fleet from Commander Larb! Codename: Squidgy!

EXT: THIRD FLEET

A vast fleet, not as big as the Armada but still a HUGE force on its own, emblazoned with different markings to the Armada (and many smiling faces of Larb) is drifting through space. A message is resonating amongst the ships.

LARB (O.S  
You may think of yourselves as some kind of meaningless trophy, an intergalactic joke only fit to take part in parades, but we're going to show we can invade planets just as well as the Armada can!

Ships begin to group together and prepare for battle, speeding up and changing direction towards a single point, ships of all shapes and sizes built for nothing but pure, unbridled warfare.

LARB (O.S  
Charge the orbital lasers and prepare for a ground assault! Configure your vessels for speed and set course towards planet Meekrob! You have the will of the Irken race speeding you on this day, show them you're capable of moving the stars themselves!

-Break- 


	4. Part Two B

INT: RESISTY BASE

Tak is repairing her ship in preparation for leaving, highly frustrated. Sparks are flying as the repair work is going on. Dib appears in the entrance behind her, looking concerned.

DIB  
You're really just gonna leave?

TAK  
I'm not staying for whatever that revolutionary half-wit has in mind! There are better ways of fighting the Irkens, and they're not going to cross his mind in a million years, so why stay?

DIB  
What about the Meekrob?

TAK  
What about them?

DIB  
They're all gonna die!

TAK  
As I'm sure you've noticed, the deaths of species don't exactly move me to tears.

Tak has finished repairs and is packing up her belongings to mount the cockpit. Dib's anger boils over.

DIB  
SHIP! LOCKDOWN!

TAK'S SHIP  
VOICE AUTHORISATION CONFIRMED!

The ship's cocpit shields itself and the entire vessel drops from readyness. Tak turns to face Dib, scathingly.

TAK  
Now that's just low.

DIB  
You're the one running away!

TAK  
What do you expect me to do about it?

DIB  
Talk him out of it or something! He respects you! He'd listen to you!

TAK  
It's not that simple! Lard Nar is one of the most stubborn people I have ever met in my entire existence! His ego reaches into the stratosphere, and he's CONVINCED he knows what's best for the entire universe. Come to think of it, he's an awful lot like you.

DIB  
Har har.

TAK  
Things are too far in motion! By now it's either pursue this course until he gets himself killed or lose face, and believe me, his psyche would never allow it. He may be a wimp, but he's a committed wimp.

DIB  
But why THIS planet? Why the Meekrob?

Tak pauses in thought for a second.

TAK  
There's something I overheard him saying once: "The Meekrob are approaching awakening".

DIB  
Awakening?

TAK  
Well, this may just be me speculating, but for the Meekrob, despite being blobs of energy, this may not be the final stage of their evolution. There's one more step they have to take.

DIB  
What could that be?

TAK  
I don't know, but whatever it is, it has the universe terrified somehow. The Irkens wouldn't have invaded it otherwise. There's nothing here of value.

DIB  
We got to stop him, Tak! If Lard Nar gets away with this, he'll have-

LARD NAR (O.S  
He'll have WHAT?

Dib, stunned, turns around, desperately grinning at Lard Nar and his assembled troupe of Resisty behind him.

DIB  
He'll have...done something great! Of course! I just KNOW this is going to work for us! I've no doubt whatsoev-

LARD NAR  
Save your breath! Your sister already spilled the beans for you.

Spleenk is holding a tightly-encased Gaz from a length of string.

DIB  
GAZ!

GAZ  
You'd better let me down, or so help me I'll...

SHLOONKTAPLOOXIS  
YOU'LL WHAT? C'MON! BRING IT ON! BRING IT ON! C'MON!

Gaz growls at Shloonktaplooxis, who cowers in response. Lard Nar looks somewhat viscerally pleased.

LARD NAR  
We know ALL about your plans to betray us, you big-headed traitor-person! (turns pleasingly to Tak) Excellent ruse, Tak! I KNEW I could count on you! Displaying the same nerve and imagination as always!

Tak looks coldly back at Lard Nar.

TAK  
Yeah, ruse, whatever.

LARD NAR  
A betrayal of this scale could only be rectified by one thing!

DIB  
The catapult?

LARD NAR  
The catapult.

Resisty members grab Dib from all sides and drag him, screaming, away from the cavern, where Tak, shifting back into Irken form, looks on non-chalantly.

EXT: RESISTY BASE

The Resisty are assembled around the launcher, with Dib and Gaz tied to either side. Dib is scared out of his wits while Gaz just seems quite royally peeved.

GAZ  
Dib, if we get out of this, you are dead. No ifs, no buts, you are dead. Understand?

DIB  
If I wasn't so blinded by fear, my life would be flashing before my eyes. Right now.

LARD NAR  
We must remain vigilant against traitors in our midst! Our cause is mighty and our actions just! But if we were to lose sight of our circumstances, our position which could be swept from under us at any moment, this would mean our doom! Such is the fate of all who would question our cause-

Tak nudges Lard Nar for his attention.

TAK  
Lard Nar, can I have a word for a moment?

Lard Nar appears irritated for a moment, then turns to the assembled grouping.

LARD NAR  
No traitor-launching till I get back, okay?

SHLOONKTAPLOOXIS  
Awwww...he has to go and spoil all our fun!

Lard Nar and Tak retire to one side. Tak whispers to Lard Nar.

TAK  
Are you sure launching them into the void is REALLY necessary? The big-headed sneak may be troublesome, but he could be of some assistance to the war effort, wouldn't you say?

LARD NAR  
Tak? What're you talking about? YOU were the one who set him up!

TAK  
Uh...yeah. Look, I need to get my ship working, and he's the only one who knows how to access it, so you couldn't keep him alive for my sake, could you?

LARD NAR  
You'd have plenty of time to fix your ship once this is all over! There's no hurry! Maybe you're just stressed or something. A go on the launcher may do you some good, it's been some time since you last did that!

Lard Nar turns back to the crowd.

LARD NAR  
Change of plan, my proud soldiers! Tak will now be handling the catapult now and GET YOUR CLAWS AWAY FROM THE LAUNCHER PANEL!

Shloonktaplooxis is poised over the panel while Dib is vibrating in sheer terror.

SHLOONKTAPLOOXIS  
I wasn't gonna press it! Honest!

LARD NAR  
Go on, Tak. It's all yours.

Tak walks timidly up to the control panel, pausing on the prospect of actually pressing it. Dib tries to reason desperately with Tak.

DIB  
Tak! I know it wasn't a ruse! I know you meant what you said!

GAZ  
I said we should leave! I said it! Why didn't you do what I said? Huh? Huh?

DIB  
I know you, Tak! You're a true individual! You don't pay attention to what anyone else says! You're your own identity! You don't owe anyone, especially not him!

LARD NAR  
Tak! Press the button!

Tak turns away from the console and looks up to Lard Nar, initially angry but gradually more and more desperate.

LARD NAR  
Tak?

Above his head, Tak can see points of light flicker in the sky. At once, her eyes widen.

TAK  
EVERYONE! DOWN!

The Resisty barely have time to respond before a barrage of laser fire lays waste to the surroundings. While the assemblage is screaming for their lives and smoke covers the clearing, Tak rears her head up and cries.

TAK  
MIMI!

A blue streak races across the clearing and grabs a bemused Dib and Gaz before the smoke clears. As it does, Lard Nar staggers up and assesses the situation.

LARD NAR  
Is everyone alright? Everyone seems here except-AAAAGGGHHH! The prisoners are gone! How?

Lard Nar glares around angrily at the assemblage, tracking down everyone present.

LARD NAR  
Who set them loose? This is one mistake you'll live to...

Lard Nar settles on Tak, who seems mournful somehow.

LARD NAR  
But...

Tak shakes her head, closes her eyes, then leaps backwards, activating her cloak. Lard Nar lunges forward.

LARD NAR  
WAIT!

Another explosion rocks the clearing, making Lard Nar shriek in anxiety.

LARD NAR  
GET TO BATTLE STATIONS!

The Resisty start running about in a panic towards their assigned spots while Lard Nar collapses in a heap on the ground, bawling his eyes out.

EXT: INVADER BASE-CAMP

Quite possibly the largest military force ever seen in children's television is landing on the planet surface. Viral Tanks, the largest ships in the fleet, accompanied by swarms of Spittle Runners, hurtle through the atmosphere nearby the Invader's encampment, which is already vastly expanded. These ships have a different colour scheme and markings from the Armada, being members of Larb's 3rd Fleet. They off-load troops and vehicles at rapid speed, distinguishing themselves as assault vehicles, and within seconds the area is swarming with Maim Bots securing positions while Plasmarin Battle Tanks, Death-Wave Cannons and Frontline Battle Mechs are off-loaded rapidly from the Viral Tank's ranks. If Larb has anything to do with it, we shall soon be seeing textbook examples of Irken Assault tactics. Larb himself seems to be mightily pleased with this arrangement, as he wanders in the middle of activity, surrounded by Invaders. Invader Tim is listening intently to a set of headphones while tapping at a computer pad.

LARB  
Grapa, take a memo: "This is so very neat".

TIM  
Commander! The fleet's picking up activity all over the planet! Looks like the Shuvver barrage did what you wanted.

Larb takes a look at the readout, seeing small green dots fan out across the planet's surface.

LARB  
It isn't over yet. Lard Nar likes to push and push hard. Real sadist that guy. We have to secure our positions and prepare for a counterstrike, let him blow all his best pieces in the first assault. Before the day is out...

Larb allows himself a snide show of ego.

LARB  
...Meekrob will be mine!

INT: RESISTY CAVERNS

A slug-like creature with short feelers stands guard in front of Tak's ship. Bored out of his mind and missing the battle above, he spends his time singing inane ditties.

RESISTY GUARD  
Ohhh I'm guaaardiiing...I'm guaaardiiing the shiii-iiip...'cos that's what I dooo-ooo, guarding the shiii-iiips...WOO! GO ME!

A blur in front of the cavern entrance distracts the Guard's attention for a moment. He ventures forth to investigate. Halfway into the corridor, peering in both directions, from inside the cavern he was just guarding a claw rushes out and crushes him against the wall before retracting back inside. The Guard twitches and groans. Back inside the cavern, MiMi is currently holding Dib and Gaz in a vice-like grip, wandering towards the ship.

GAZ  
I hate this planet. So. Very. Much. You can't imagine the levels of hatred I am feeling.

DIB  
Ship! Activate!

TAK'S SHIP  
Acknowledged!

The ship unlocks itself and opens its cockpit, a few seconds later Tak, in human form, de-cloaks inside.

TAK  
What took you so long?

MiMi just shrugs and lets go of Dib and Gaz, Gaz landing perfectly on her fleet while Dib thwacks painfully with the floor.

TAK  
Well come on then! We haven't got all day!

GAZ  
What a wasted trip...

Dib and Gaz manage to squeeze into the cockpit.

TAK  
It's nice to know you kept the voice.

DIB  
Actually, I tried to get rid of it, but the ship just seemed to revert to default or something...

TAK  
I built it, remember? Now hurry up and get this thing started!

DIB  
Not until we warn to the Meekrob!

GAZ  
Dib. Not now. Anytime but now...

TAK  
Listen, I say we're getting off this planet, and what I say goes!

DIB  
Ship! De-activate!

TAK'S SHIP  
Okie dokie!

The ship powers down.

GAZ  
Dib, I threaten you, make ship go!

TAK  
You can't be serious! We don't have time for this!

DIB  
You may not care about these things, but I am not leaving this planet until we save the Meekrob!

GAZ  
Why is no-one LISTENING TO ME!

Tak contemplates her situation.

TAK  
You are such a kill-joy.

DIB  
Yes, but a kill-joy with the car keys.

TAK  
There's a hidden meeting place the Meekrob are bound to be holed up in at times like these. I'll direct you to it.

DIB  
Thank you! Ship! Start launch sequence!

TAK's SHIP  
Launch sequence activated. Awaiting final confirmation for lift-off.

DIB  
Gaz?

Gaz is twitching nervously, getting seriously upset at being the fifth-wheel in all this. In a show of rage, she batters the ship's controls.

GAZ  
YOU'LL DO WHAT I WANT, WON'T YOU?

TAK's SHIP  
Sure thing!

This seems to make Gaz feel better, as the three of them prepare for the ride.

EXT: MEEKROB SURFACE

A rocky outcrop juts from the ground, located on an elevated plain. Over the ridge, a platoon of Plasmarin Battle Tanks crawls into position, engines humming. On the top of one of the tanks, an Irken soldier, wearing electronic battle paraphenalia, indicates for the unit to halt.

TANK COMMANDER  
Okay, this should be a good enough spot. Nice, cosy, easily-defended, able to see everything for MILES around...I wanna take a picture! (yelling below) Hey private! You got a camera?

IRKEN PRIVATE  
It's all been so sudden! I didn't think to pack!

TANK COMMANDER  
(sigh) The nicest vacation spot we've been on all year and YOU don't even bring the camera, well ain't that just DUCK!

The Tank Commander closes the hatch in a wild panic.

IRKEN PRIVATE  
That's a weird expression...

Missiles rocket into the battalion, but it's well-hidden, and only a couple of the tanks get horrifically churned-up. Overhead, a flight of remote-controlled jet aircraft rocket over the tanks only for a number of them to get downed by laser-fire. The formation breaks up as Spittle Runners begin to engage in dog-fights. Radio chatter begins to intrude on the scene.

EMERGENCY OFFICER (O.S  
Fire fire fire. 82-46-point 1.

REGIONAL CONTROLLER (O.S  
Flight 16 intercepting.

PILOT (O.S  
We've reached counter-point. Hostile forces detected at ground and air levels.

FEMALE PILOT (O.S  
Engaging!

While all this has been going on, a few more planes have been downed, but on the plains below all manner of weaponry is being thrown into the field. Tracked vehicles, walking vehicles, gun emplacements, you name it, it's probably down there, hurtling flak and rockets at the Spittle Runners.

RADAR OFFICER (O.S  
Unable to verify numbers! Recommend assume caution!

FEMALE PILOT (O.S  
I'm taking fi-!

REGIONAL CONTROLLER (O.S  
Flight 16 reporting casualties. Relief forces engage and cover withdrawal.

GRUNT (O.S  
I'm here, y'all! Where's the shooting?

PILOT (O.S  
Disregarding withdrawal order. Assisting relief force to achieve air superiority.

The Spittle Runners duck low as Maim Bots arrive stage left to lay behind cover and fire at the drones. We follow one Spittle Runner diving across the front line to bomb units.

LARB (O.S  
This is Commander Larb! Executive order! Do not allow unacceptable losses! Defensive procedures override!

EXT: 3RD FLEET HQ

Still surrounded by troops and activity, Larb is yelling into a comms system while Invader Zee stands nearby, clutching a display.

LARB  
Repeat, defensive procedures override!

Larb stares at the comms for a while before finding the off-switch.

ZEE  
Did you even understand all of that?

Larb shrugs.

LARB  
I winged it. Where are these troops being controlled from, then?

Zee shows Larb the display.

ZEE  
All over the place. There's no single relay point. Which one do we target first?

LARB  
Ah, heck, we've got enough cannons! Fire at all of them!

EXT: ARTILLERY POSITION

A Deathwave Cannon is being loaded for an initial barrage, Irken soldiers giving directions for co-ordinates and whatnot. Then everyone ducks and covers their ears while an Irken officer pulls a cord on the cannon.

EXT: MEEKROB SKYLINE

While bullets, lasers and missiles fly from below the frame, the sky becomes full of plasma bolts hurled into the atmosphere converging at a single point.

INT: RESISTY COMMAND

Lard Nar, still a bit distanced from events after the bombardment, arrives in the middle of a hot-bed of consoles, manned by Resisty members, chattering battle-stuff.

LARD NAR  
So how's the battle going?

SHLOONKTAPLOOXIS  
We're kicking booty!

SPLEENK  
They've scattered into pockets. We've completely surrounded 'em.

LARD NAR  
Pockets?

Lard Nar walks through the command centre and up a flight of stairs.

EXT: RESISTY COMMAND

A hidden balcony provides a full view of the battlefield from the side of a steep mountain ridge. Lard Nar hurries onto it and gazes at the Irken forces on the plains beyond. Three pockets can be seen, taking fire, but blasting everything around them. Spleenk appears alongside Lard Nar.

LARD NAR  
We've less time than I thought. Larb's leading the assault.

SPLEENK  
Whatchu talkin' about?

From inside the pockets, a series of flashes ring out, and plasma bolts appear in the sky heading along approximate trajectories. A whirring noise can be heard. Lard Nar and Spleenk look up and start screaming like sissies. The next moment huge chunks of the mountain are blasted to oblivion. Lard Nar is ducking, head beneath hands, in the middle of a cloud of dust, when through the debris Tak's Ship flies overhead, using the barrage as cover. Lard Nar looks up at the ship and snarls, betrayed.

LARD NAR  
CONCENTRATE ALL FIRE ON THAT SHIP!

SPLEENK  
Uh, dude, don't you think we have slightly more pressing priorities?

LARD NAR  
I DON'T CARE! I WANT THAT TRAITOR BLOWN OUT OF THE SKY!

EXT: MEEKROB SURFACE

Missiles emerge from concealed positions, thousands of the blighters, all converging on Tak's Ship.

INT: TAK'S SHIP

Alarms are beeping from all over the place and Dib's looking decidedly queasy. Gaz just sits there and twitches.

DIB  
Not again...

TAK'S SHIP  
Impact imminent! Evasive-

Tak thumps the dashboard.

TAK  
I can tell! Now, Dib, I wouldn't recommend doing what I'm about to do.

Dib squeals and clings to the side. Tak pushes hard on the control stick and the ship lurches.

EXT: MEEKROB SKIES

Tak's Ship hurtles towards the planet's surface, missiles trailing just across its back as it plunges at full speed. Just before it hits it jerks diagonally and jets across the landscape, using the ground to destroy the missiles heading towards it.

INT: TAK'S SHIP

The inside judders, Dib finding it difficult to hang on and completely scared out of his mind, while Gaz doesn't seem to even notice the situation. Dib puts a hand over his mouth to prevent him throwing up while glancing out front and getting wide-eyed in horror.

DIB  
LOOK OUT!

Tak concentrates on the view, evilly grinning, clearly enjoying all this.

EXT: MEEKROB SURFACE

The ship careers along the surface, avoiding obstacles on the fly, when it abruptly collides head-long into a ridge, and sight of it is lost as hundreds of missiles converge on the ridge, producing a giant dust-cloud.

EXT: RESISTY COMMAND

Shloonktaplooxis is having a ball while Lard Nar twitches, completely incensed.

SHLOONKTAPLOOXIS  
Hey, did ya see that! I mean, WOW! You were all like "fire all missiles!" and we were like "yes sir!" and it was like "wee! 'splosions!" and then it was like "BOOM!" and they were all like "AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!"

Lard Nar has lost interest and is heading back inside, ignoring Shloonktaplooxis.

SHLOONKTAPLOOXIS  
...and then I was like "hey, did ya see that!" and then it was like...hey! Hey Lardy! Lard Nar! Hey! C'mon! Pay attention to me! Hey!

INT: RESISTY COMMAND

Lard Nar doesn't stop, but instead seems determined to get somewhere.

LARD NAR  
It isn't safe here! Relocate command to the ship! In the meantime, order the drones to concentrate on finding Larb! We'd have an easier time defending if HE wasn't around!

SPLEENK  
So we're just gonna run?

Lard Nar pauses to lay into Spleenk.

LARD NAR  
ESCAPING AND EVADING IS LEGITIMATE RESISTANCE STRATEGY!

SPLEENK  
Okay, okay, sheesh.

Lard Nar continues out.

LARD NAR  
Make all the preparations! I'm just gonna go tidy up a few things...

Lard Nar leaves...

INT: LARD NAR'S OFFICE

A cavern acting as Lard Nar's office is deserted and shrouded in darkness. Lard Nar enters and pulls out a device from underneath the desk. He lays it out, opening a keypad and pressing buttons.

LARD NAR  
I know you made it, Tak. But I don't care. I thought you were different, but you were just another self-serving rat.

Lard Nar presses a button and the timer lights up "30:00:00", counting downwards in milli-seconds.

LARD NAR  
Well you can die just like the rest of them. I don't care.

EXT: 3RD FLEET HQ

Larb is holding Zee's display, showing the aftermath of Lard Nar's wrath.

LARB  
Well that was interesting.

ZEE  
Think he holds a grudge?

LARB  
He thinks too much in terms of personalities. I mean, look!

Larb touches the display, showing a general overview of the planet.

LARB  
His troops aren't attacking anymore. They're passing pockets by and scanning them.

ZEE  
For what?

LARB  
Me.

A huge grin appears on Larb's face.

LARB  
I feel loved!

ZEE  
What are you planning?

INT: MEEKROB CAVERNS

Beneath the planet's surface, a crystalline cavern has been lovingly hollowed, regrettably only to be fractured by the passing of Tak's Ship, which impacts into the floor beneath, throwing out its passengers. As Dib looks up, he sees a huge number of floating Meekrob, who take one look at Dib and quickly flash into all manners of household objects.

DIB  
You don't really need to do that, y'know.

MEEKROB  
We like it this way! What are you doing here?

Dib looks to Tak for guidance, but she just glares back.

TAK  
Don't look at me. You're the one who wanted a chat.

While Gaz remains about to explode in the background, Dib takes a look at the assemblage and nervously starts to speak.

DIB  
Well...y'see...Lard Nar's tricked you! He's going to blow you all up!

MEEKROB  
We could tell, thanks.

DIB  
And he...what?

MEEKROB  
When you've reached the kind of existence we have, you tend to view the universe's happenings rather distantly.

DIB  
But you're all gonna die!

MEEKROB  
Whatever happens, happens.

TAK  
You see? Pointless! Let's go!

DIB  
No, wait! You can't just accept things as they are! Why'd you allow the Resisty to protect you in the first place?

MEEKROB  
We've been influenced from above for some time now. It's become second-nature. We allowed resistance to the Irkens because our existence was at stake, but now our existence has been sealed, there's little point. Whoever wins, we cease to be.

DIB  
Don't you care what happens to you?

MEEKROB  
In the grand scheme of things, we are all nothing.

Dib, desperate, looks at Tak, who's getting rather smug at Dib's flustering. At that point, Dib becomes determined, and faces the Meekrob once again, to Tak's surprise.

DIB  
I can't accept that! Sure in a million years or whatever all this will be dust, but that doesn't mean you don't matter! Everything leads to everything else! What you do, here, now, can change the face of existence, and no-one has the right to determine it for you! Take your destiny into your own hands! As a people! As a species! As a race! You've evolved too far to be scared of taking the next step! C'mon! Please!

The Meekrob think it over for a sec, looking at each other, until abruptly they all change back into their original forms.

MEEKROB  
The big-headed boy's short, intellectually-stunted speech has changed my outlook on life! No-one can determine what we will end up to be except us! We shall take the next step on our own!

MEEKROB 2  
You don't mean...the Awakening?

MEEKROB  
I mean precisely the Awakening.

MEEKROB 3  
But what will happen to us?

MEEKROB  
We can't be scared of taking the next step...

The Meekrob stay still for a moment, contemplative, while Dib looks fatally confused. Then, gradually, the Meekrob begin merging with each other, coalescing into an aqueous, glowing blue blob. Dib looks even more confused, and even a little scared, as he and everyone else take a step back.

EXT: RESISTY BASE

Spleenk hurries the last few Resisty on-board a landed ship, some on stretchers, and lastly Shloonktaplooxis screaming his head off and ramming the last few people into the hatch. Spleenk closes it behind him and the hull lifts off the ground, pouring rubble all over the place as it blasts out. Beneath it a hole has appeared, and a few seconds later Zim appears, beating back hands trying to place cow bells, sailor suits and plugs on him. He pulls a rock over, seals the hole, and sighs. Then he looks up.

ZIM  
Hey! They can't start a war without me! That's cheating!

Zim looks around for a moment then brings out his communicator.

ZIM  
GIR! Respond!

GIR (O.S  
Wow! I can't believe I got on the air!

ZIM  
GIR. Stop that. Right now. I do not like where you're heading. Activate the Voot Cruiser and head towards my co-ordinates! Zim must have GLORY!

GIR (O.S  
Hi pig! Hi cow! Can you hear me?

ZIM  
Just come and get me!

Zim deactivates the comms, and in a lull in the fighting he picks up a beeping sound amongst the wreckage. Clambering over piles of rubble, he finds the bomb ticking down on the desk reading "13:47:06". Zim's eyes widen.

INT: INTERROGATION ROOM

Sounds of battle are emanating above the chairs Skoodge and Tenn are tied into. They're looking up, a bit puzzled.

TENN  
I think everyone's gone.

SKOODGE  
You think so too?

TENN  
Well, we shouldn't have long to wait. Either we get chucked in the guard-house for being operational liabilities, or we get blown up! We should look on the bright side.

SKOODGE  
What d'you suggest?

TENN  
How about, after all this is done, we find some ship lying about and head off wherever, getting away from all this. What do you think about that?

SKOODGE  
Sounds like fun!

TENN  
Cool! But what's keeping Pudge up?

SKOODGE  
Well give him a break, he does have to travel 3,000 light-years...

At this moment, Pudge falls through the ceiling.

SKOODGE  
Brilliant timing! How was the trip?

PUDGE  
PUDGE TAKE ECONOMY-CLASS! PUDGE HAVE CRAMP!

TENN  
Awww...well, you can work it off setting us free. How's that?

PUDGE  
PUDGE SMART! PUDGE FIND HELP!

A flicker of smoke behind Tenn makes Skoodge and her turn around to see Jin-Jin burning off the restraints.

SKOODGE  
Good boy!

PUDGE  
PUDGE IS NOT BOY!

EXT: MEEKROB SURFACE.

Larb is sitting, self-assuredly, alone, in the middle of a vast chasm atop a small rock. Ahead of him, a gargantuan flotilla of drones is heading down the chasm towards him. He notices behind him that another flotilla is heading towards him in the opposite direction. His self-assuredness begins to dent, and continues to do so until the army is right in front of him. He is now more than a little terrified as we see him through the camera of a destroyer bot, outlined in red, blinking "enemy" repeatedly. Under this gaze, he finally snaps.

LARB  
THIS ISN'T FUNNY, GUYS!

Along the sides of the chasm, Megadoomers decloak and proceed to pound the armies along both directions into oblivion with their DOOM cannons. Surprise is total, and through the wreckage Battle Tanks and Maim Bots scurry through picking off whatevers left. Meanwhile, the Invaders clamber down the sides of the chasm, beaming at the sight of a perturbed Larb.

LARB  
Okay, I get the message. "What goes around comes around". Ha ha, very funny, GET MOVING!

The Invaders salute, still smiling, and all except Yuli scurry off towards their own activities. On his belt, Larb picks up a comms unit and yells into it.

LARB  
General message to all troops! Their back's been broken! Now's the time for the offensive! FOR THE IRKEN EMPIRE, SOLDIERS! TO DEATH OR GLORY!

Cheers can be heard as forces around Larb rush towards battle. Larb, pleased with himself, turns to Yuli.

LARB  
I'm gooooood!

YULI  
Uh-huh...

INT: MEEKROB CAVERNS

The Meekrob continue to merge, sucking in all in their path. However, one pauses before entering. Another one next to him is puzzled.

MEEKROB 4  
What's wrong now?

MEEKROB 5  
I dunno. It seems kinda "new-agey" to me.

Abruptly the coalescing blob surges forth and engulfs Meekrob 5.

MEEKROB 4  
Wuss.

Meekrob 4 enters the Awakening, and it continues to grow.

EXT: RESISTY BASE

Zim is clutching the bomb, desperately trying to find a way to get rid of it. The timer now says "06:32:21"

ZIM  
Come on GIR come on GIR come on GIR come on GIR come ONNNNN! ZIM DOES NOT DESERVE TO MEET DEATH! Aaaaa...where's a toilet when you need one?

A jet noise provides relief for Zim. Assuredly enough the Voot Cruiser has arrived, the cockpit opening up to reveal GIR and Minimoose.

GIR  
NEED SNACKS NOW!

MINIMOOSE  
Squeak!

ZIM  
GIR! Not a moment too soon! We need to get this bomb away or...

Abruptly, Skoodge, Tenn, Pudge and Jin-Jin appear from out of frame to jump into the Voot Cruiser.

SKOODGE  
Hey! You brought a ship for us! That's so nice of you!

TENN  
I'd love to chat, but we're kind of in a rush.

GIR  
You bring snacks?

SKOODGE  
We'll get some on the way home!

MINIMOOSE  
Squeeeeeak!

The Voot Cruiser closes up and lifts off into the stratosphere, leaving Zim in the lurch with a very large thermo-nuclear bomb about to blow up. Looking up into the battle-filled sky, he starts screaming. A lot.

EXT: MEEKROB ORBIT

Above the planet surface, a Vort ship stands watch, positioned between the surface and the planet's moon.

INT: RESISTY SHIP

Shloonktaplooxis is fretting in front of a flashing computer screen while Lard Nar watches the planet closely from his chair, concentrating.

SHLOONKTAPLOOXIS  
Ooh! Aah! Eek! No, don't take my silos! Awww! This game ain't no fun with no hands!

Lard Nar takes no notice, merely watches and waits.

EXT: MEEKROB SURFACE

The battle goes swimmingly. Frontline Battle Mechs charge ahead of the Maim Bots wrecking havoc while long-range artillery, aerial and orbital bombardment take out huge swathes of drones. But the fighting is still intense and explosions ring out across the front-lines.

LOGISTICS OFFICER (O.S  
Squad 337 is running out of ammo!

MECH OFFICER (O.S  
There's too many things to shoot!

GRUNT (O.S  
We're isolated. A little help could be appreciated!

EMERGENCY OFFICER (O.S  
06-13-point 7. Technical fault. Bail bail bail.

LARB (O.S  
We have the upper hand! Do not let up the attack!

EXT: FORWARD HQ

From atop a Plasmarin Battle Tank, safely behind the front lines, Larb screeches orders into his comms channel while Yuli looks through a pair of binoculars beside him.

LARB  
C'mon! A little full-scale warfare never hurt anybody!

YULI  
Don't you think it'd be more encouraging if you actually joined in?

LARB  
After what you pulled last time? No thank you. And give me those binoculars!

Larb grabs the binoculars off Yuli.

LARB  
Short of this planet blowing up, nothing can stop us now.

EXT: RESISTY BASE

Sure enough, the signpost "ironic comment" is entirely accurate. Zim is going certifiable, trying to get rid of this device, going from cavern to cavern, at one point hiding the bomb under a pile of rocks and pretending it wasn't there. The clock now reads less than a minute, and the situation gets to Zim.

ZIM  
SOMEONE SAVE MY INSIDES!

Just then, in an opening, Zim spies the catapult prepped for launch. Exhausted and terrified, he runs over to the catapult, shoves the bomb on, and hits the launch panel so hard it breaks, sending the bomb hurtling into space. Zim looks up, gasping.

INT: RESISTY SHIP

Shloonkaplooxis' game of Command and Conquer isn't going so well.

SHLOONKTAPLOOXIS  
How am I supposed to win this? This game is blatantly rigged!

LARD NAR  
Victory will be ours in seconds. Just watch the planet.

SHLOONKTAPLOOXIS  
Okay, I'm watching! But if I don't see nothing, someone's gonna give me a refund!

Shloonktaplooxis stares out the view-screen while Lard Nar maintains his irritable disposition. However, after a few seconds Shloonktaplooxis notices something.

SHLOONKTAPLOOXIS  
Hey, what's that?

Lard Nar turns to Shloonktaplooxis.

LARD NAR  
What's what?

A meteorite-like object streaks past the ship, speeding towards the moon behind them. Lard Nar looks in that direction for a moment, delays reaction, then screams.

EXT: MEEKROB ORBIT

The moon explodes in a colossal, epoch-shattering explosion, the shock-wave hitting the ship full-on and sending it spiralling amongst the debris.

EXT: MEEKROB SURFACE

As the exploding moon lights up the sky, a drone falls to the ground with a fizzing of electronics while Invader Pesto clambers on top of it, utterly exhausted and feeling battle-weary. But then, Larb jumps on Pesto and strikes his "triumphant" pose.

LARB  
The battle is won for all of Meekrob! A triumph of ingenuity and skill against ALL odds leading us to final victory in this valiant struggle!

Pesto tries to lean up, but Larb extends an Irken flag and shoves it into the back of his head while lost in ego.

LARB  
We have all done the Irken Empire proud! A victory that will be sung down the ages and glorified in the annals of Irken history! No longer can the Tallest deny me my triumph! Nor anyone, or anything else!

And now, a weird, blobbish object bursts through the ground and sends Larb reeling. All around the Irkens, the ground is opening up and blue-ish tendrils spreading out and smashing Irken machinery against each other. Firepower is useless and the Irkens run for their lives. Atop this monstrosity, Dib, Tak and Gaz ride on top of Tak's Ship, directing events according to what they see. Dib is having the time of his life.

DIB  
Now THIS is what this trip should've been like!

Dejected on the ground, Larb sees where this is headed and reaches for his comms.

LARB  
MEEKROB IS LOST! MEEKROB IS LOST! FULL RETREAT! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

The Meekrob-blob continues on its rampage, swallowing tanks whole and spitting their crews out as far as they can go. Irkens scramble here and there for the ships out of this nightmare, and whichever ones don't leave fast enough are thrown into orbit to speed them up.

EXT: RESISTY BASE

Zim stares at the sky and emits a sigh of relief, but starts hearing a smacking sound behind him. Worried, he sees the Meekrob blob towering over him while Dib is smacking a bat onto his hand in an obvious threat to him. Tak, Gaz and Tak's ship are there as well, and all of them have smiles on their faces. Zim gulps.

INT: RESISTY SHIP

The bridge is smashed, and the crew is scattered everywhere, buried under debris. They all groan and try to get up. Lard Nar levers himself on a console.

LARD NAR  
Is everyone all-right?

Spleenk looks up, nursing his head, when he notices something in the view screen.

SPLEENK  
Lard Nar! Look!

Lard Nar looks, and witnesses the surface of Meekrob being gradually covered by a blue-ish blob. The Third Fleet is leaving hurriedly, and the destruction of the moon has left orbit littered with asteroids. The Meekrob have awakened.

LARD NAR  
Oh...dear...

Lard Nar looks shocked, turning to perplection when he notices something yelling loudly coming from the surface.

EXT: MEEKROB ORBIT

Zim hurtles into the Resisty ship, yelling loudly, smashing it against an asteroid in orbit.

INT: RESISTY SHIP

The Resisty are left in an even more dilapidated state than they were, twitching and convulsing. Meanwhile, implausibly, Zim calmly gets off, brushes himself off, and heads towards the life-pod hatch. We hear the life-pod launch as he enters.

EXT: TAK'S SHIP

The ship is heading through space. In the meantime, Dib is describing his anecdotes.

DIB (O.S  
And the Meekrob made me their Official Ambassador!

INT: TAK'S SHIP

Tak is getting increasingly irritated at his exuberance, while Gaz is pretty much remaining in the same state she always has.

DIB  
ME! OFFICIAL! I'm an OFFICIAL now! Do I see YOU being an official, Tak? Or YOU Gaz? No! They made ME Ambassador! MEEEE!

TAK  
Gaz, please punch him.

GAZ  
No-one tells me what to do. Even if it involves punching, I won't do it.

TAK  
Well, okay, I have to admit, very VERY grudgingly, that you did alright. Maybe, JUST maybe, this all turned out for the better thanks to you. So how about we both combine our efforts as far as the Irkens go? You know...you tag along giving advice while I run the show and operate the ship. How does that sound?

Tak glares at Dib for a moment, only for him to return a devious grin.

TAK  
What?

EXT: PLANETOID SURFACE

On a nameless planet in the middle of nowhere, Tak is left carrying her belongings and MiMi is left beside her, while Dib, wearing a helmet along with Gaz, has fixed a fake smile on his face.

DIB  
Well it's been VERY nice working with you, Miss Tak, I think it's best we go our seperate ways. You know, spend some quality time APART. I'm sure you understand...

The cockpit closes and the ship jets off back to Earth. Tak glares at him leaving, her flickering hologram turning back into her Irken form.

TAK  
You may think you have the upper hand, Dib. But my reach goes further than you know. Particularly into that ship you're so convinced is yours...

We pan from the surface of the planetoid...

EXT: EARTH ATMOSPHERE

...into the Earth atmosphere, tranquil for a moment until Zim's life-pod spirals through it, creating a huge impact off-frame.

INT: ZIM'S HOUSE

GIR is watching TV and sucking a brain freezee while Minimoose floats nearby. The door slams open to reveal Zim, smoldering from the wreckage, stumble through the house towards the couch. GIR takes no notice.

ZIM  
(calmly) GIR, where is Skoodge?

Without turning, GIR holds out a slip of paper towards Zim, which he takes and proceeds to read out loud.

ZIM  
"Dear Zim Tenn and I have borrowed the Voot Cruiser for a while will return it soon Skoodge"...

Zim, lost in depression, rips the letter up without any effort and stands stock still for a moment before picking up GIR and throwing him at Minimoose in a show of frustration.

INT: MASSIVE CONTROL BRAIN ROOM

The Control Brains from earlier are now discussing the day's events.

CONTROL BRAIN 1  
This is highly irregular.

CONTROL BRAIN 2  
The plan is compromised.

CONTROL BRAIN 3  
Its structure was impeccable, something more serious is wrong here.

CONTROL BRAIN 1  
A miscalculation?

CONTROL BRAIN 2  
There may have been a variable we had not anticipated.

CONTROL BRAIN 3  
What could this variable be?

CONTROL BRAINS  
Analyzing.

The control brains flicker and calculate until a decision is reached.

CONTROL BRAIN 1  
There is consensus.

CONTROL BRAIN 2  
The variable has been detected.

CONTROL BRAIN 3  
Its location is Earth.

CONTROL BRAIN 1  
We must eliminate this variable.

CONTROL BRAIN 2  
It is causing events we cannot foresee.

CONTROL BRAIN 3  
It must not interfere with the plan.

CONTROL BRAINS  
NOTHING MUST INTERFERE WITH THE PLAN...

Fade to black... 


End file.
